good time to go on, disappear and slice my arm up a lil...
ill be back soon enough... :3

i think im gonna try to cut myself again tonight

feel like ruining my life rn
that kind of self destructiveness makes me feel warm inside

just been plain enjoying life rn ^^
i appreciate that a lot after everything i've been through
it's... a really pleasant feeling
i hope i can share it with the people around me :3

slowly i think im learning how to handle things my way
the more im able to lean on myself to know the right thing to do, the more i feel like i can handle the world
and the less i will end up hurting others on accident
its not a bad feeling

yea,, it took kind of a toll on me actually
i wish i had someone to hug me and calm me down a little... but i'll do what i can for myself ^^;

let somebody rant at me in dms today
kind of stressful for me, but i'll try to practice some self-care now so it doesn't get too bad
maybe it was a stupid thing to do, but personally, i'm just relieved to tie things up and have one less "enemy" to deal with
i never enjoy being enemies with anybody

i think im doing ok right now
appointment allowed me to skip most of school this morning ^^;
not much rlly happened there tho

ive been sleeping earlier and earlier each day
its kind of helping but... mh

ill try to remember it when i finally snap and take a razor blade to my wrists or my throat . i cant take this ,

at least every day , despite it all , i still get a few of those little moments where i am happy ,
i should try to remember that ,

i can tell my words are meaning less the more i say them and that rlly sucks because it still hurts the same amount or worse for me every time >~<

OW ;-;
i thought i wanted to exist for a bit today but i rlly dont this isnt worth it at all get me out of hereeeeeeeeeee

i guess it had to happen at some point today ,,, :(

ow ow ow ow ow ow ow ow ow ow ow ow ow ow ow ow ow ;w;
pain , (mental)

oh yeah i probably cant dedicate next weekend to my actual project huh ,, sigh alright .w.

feeling rlly bad anxiety again (pls kill me ^^;)

soo this is my life huh .w.
11 hours of being out all day and thinking about stuff i want 2 make only to not have energy to make any of it by the time im finally home

today i somehow managed to get through the entire (longgg) school day and even a shower (alone with my thoughts) w/o the urge to kill myself ^^
psych appointment tomorrow ,, i hope it goes well ,, i wonder how its gonna be like

a group of guys in the cafeteria near me were going absolutely wild cos one of them said they saw a femboy
it wasnt in a homophobic way or anything
but it was kinda interesting to witness that happening lol

time to s leep ,

fantasy fantasy fantasy ,, but no stakes
itd be a lot more fun if the psych gave me some medication when im done, then ill have a quick and easy method to hospitalize myself at anyyyy time~
thats what this place really needs, eheh

have i ever said that i actually like to think ab what would happen if the news broke that i died
doubt itd spread very far tho, im not exactly notable
a world without me in it sounds fun tho ^^

wonder how many ppl have been told they need to move on from me
i guess not really a lot
im not the most memorable :3

diediediediediediediediediediediediediediediediediediediediediediediediediediediediediediediediediediediediediediediediediediediediediediediediediediedie

but that kind of limited edition that some companies do and everyone hates where absolutely nobody knows when its actually gonna disappear

im a limited edition friend B)

will i even survive this semester? who knows :3 but i doubt anyone's holding their breath to find out thoooo :3c

kill mekill mekill mekill mekill mekill mekill mekill mekill mekill mekill mekill mekill mekill mekill mekill mekill mekill mekill mekill mekill me

getting into bed early today ,,, didnt get anything productive done
being alive and getting thru the day is too exhausting
can someone stab me , for some reason i feel like thatll solve it even if i live .w.