Suburban Gen-X Dad

people are often scared of bumblebees but i’m only worried about tinderwasps and hingescorpions

Suburban kids' birthday parties are a buffet of mombods.

Thank you. I appreciate that. I'm learning how to be ok with just myself.

Still waiting to learn the coping skill for when I'm feeling lonely every night.

Zima walked so White Claw could run

Klonopin take me awaaaaaaaay

Me in my 20s (with the body of a porn star): omg I’m so fat and ugly

Me in my 50s (with the body of an elderly rhino): I AM THE HOTTEST PIECE OF ASS TO WALK THE EARTH

two men are sitting in front of a crowd and one of them is talking on a phone ALT: two men are sitting in front of a crowd and one of them is talking on a phone

There's no drafts folder for skeets?
You really just have to send them out raw into the world?

My special diet is vagitarian.

Does baring your heart in therapy count as cardio?

Just @ me next time.

A WARRIOR FEARS NOTHING, NOT EVEN ASKING FOR HELP.

My anxiety/depression combo finally landed me in the emergency room.
Only took 50 years of life.

Right before I'm going to do something stupid. I mumble to myself YOU IDIOT then do it anyways.

Me: my mind is in chaos right now and I need to go to sleep. I wonder if I have anything that can help in the medicine box?

*Takes 1mg of Ativan*

My brain: don't fucking insult me.

Folks, if you're separated from your spouse, don't keep living together. I know the economy sucks, but just don't. It's confusing as fuck.

I’m at the don’t want to die but don’t see the point of living either part of this depressive episode which is nice

Sorry, I can't go on a date Monday at 6 pm. I have my panic attack scheduled for that time. How about Wednesday at 7?

I'm a mess.

But I could be your mess.

[Sext] wanna mash our aging, doughy bodies together until they're damp?

Detective: Cause of death?

Detective Bon Jovi, looking directly at suspect: SHOT THROUGH THE HEART, AND YOU'RE TO BLAME

I went to the backyard and saw a firefly.

It brought me serenity.

It's been radio silence from me all week.

None of the ladies on the roster have texted to check on me.

Not even a good morning.

Tells me everything I need to know.

Taking 800mg of ibuprofen to not feel anything.

Drinking scalding hot coffee to feel something.

*curls up in ball

Enjoy your day bluesky🫶