VeX

I am filled with Hope*

(Hope brand bourbon)

The last decade or so makes a lot more sense if you know there's been a conjunction of the Prime Material Plane and the Elemental Plane of Sh*t. On the plus side, the casting cost to summon a Poop Elemental is much reduced.

Find out what happened when we replaced Gwen Stefani with an ear of corn

Instead of having set days for daylight savings time to switch, they should just make it so every day at midnight there's a 1 in 365 chance of springing forward and a 1 in 365 chance of falling back. And they should do it at the county level.

My cat is a very sweet boy, but if you make him mad you better watch out! My arm is still all scratched up from the other day when I tried to open a line of credit using his social security number.

today i went to a park and took a seat under the shade of a massive tree. had just started to doze when suddenly a hot dog hit me on the head. turns out the whole tree was teeming with hovering hot dogs. anti-gravity hot dogs. they’re hostile,

Econ is 3/4 con.

‘Hey’ came before ‘hi,’ and ‘hi' came before ‘hello.’

‘Hi’ is most likely a variant of ‘hey.’

‘Hello’ is not related to either.

Goodbye.

Alien vs Metaphor

very, very doltish men slowly succumbing to brain death in terrariums of their own farts

Ah, my old Auntie Eldritch.

Goliath Beatle, a band that does heavy/doom covers of Beatles songs

Store aisle shelves stuffed on one side with inflatable ducks faces the other, stuffed with inflatable flamingos.

some shit is about to go down

Never trust a holy man who needs a costume. My guy just wears jeans

I'm not saying I got super high last night, but there was a bag of potato chips in the refrigerator when I opened it this morning.

sometimes a coworker will drop offhand a piece of lore that feels like finding an audio log in a survival horror game

Just found out I was an NPC.

You could write a treatise on Dubai Influencers being shelled. The most postmodern of vocations, a simulacrum of a simulacrum of a simulacrum of a simulacrum, the furthest you can get from God, staring mortality in the face in its most primal form.

Ball Peen Hammer of the Gods

New hip hop duo, Case n Point

Grok, how do I tell if my baby is woke?

Is it unusual to have a foot fetish but only be turned on by one foot? Because I like to get off on the right foot.

I recently went axe throwing for the first time, and I learned three things:

1. I have terrible aim.
2. Waffle House is not an axe throwing venue.
3. Waffle House and its customers are very litigious.

Pretty storked about the new baby coming

Pleased to announce that my state (WA) will be more than doubling in size by annexing it's neighbor to the south. I would like to thank the generous Oregon donor who made this possible.

What if, and hear me out, the Highway to Hell and the Highway to the Danger Zone are just two different names for the same road?

"...and stop calling the tent in your pants the Bone Temple"

A nurple that's not purple is hardly a nurple at all.

Pronouncing Bluesky like "blooskee"