Mitchell Nobis

For my Detroit-side friends: we’re celebrating the arrival of spring and Lo-Fi Citadels with a reading next week over at 27th Letter Books. Come say hey!

Banger of a midwest emo song title

The price? A LOT.

I couldn't afford an AI companion, so I got a Magic 8 Ball to carry around with me and now we're in love.

My dog's making some ethereal sounds right now, Frances. Give me $300 dollars and I'll turn on my voice memos app for you and get some killer snoring footage.

[doing lunges and curls]

Might... be... a... painter... there.

Can I have, like, 4 months? I've been meaning to get back in shape, and this might be the motivation I've needed to make time.

Have you tried disassociating while watching basketball and petting the dog because buddy my personal results on that plan are superlative.

Yes to all that. Like, I was surprised but not *stunned* to hear Bam was having an epic night.

Nope because Bam is totally not a "Me First!" guy, and that's what makes it so awesome.

"You Goddamned Piece of Shit" (Happy Birthday)

I'm certainly not the first English major to look at this and say out loud to an empty room "*GATSBY* is your HARD book?!?!!!"

the complaints about Bam Adebayo in an "unethical" way are obviously dumb

Every one of these super high scoring NBA games has required shenanigans to enable it.

Just like there is no way to ethically acquire billions of dollars, there is no ethical way to score 70 points in an NBA game.

Bang

It's literally clown shoes. America needs a new writers room.

Bunch of ruffian teens walk by and point at him: "RUBIO GOT LIEFIELD FEET! AHAHAHAHAAAA!"

Hey Metro Detroit, I'll be at my kid's basketball game, but the rest of you should carpool to this. If you go full roadtrip mode, eat a bag of Smartfood (the lord's roadtrip snack) for me.

All right, I'm already up too late, but it's hard to get to bed early on Bam Night. Anyway, Merry Bam Night to all who celebrate. Love you crazy kids.

That's a nice bucket o' corn, but it's also legit higher than the Jumbotron, so...

If the Li'l Losing Streak of '26™ means we've found ways to get Sass and Red Velvet some spot-shooter minutes, I'll take it!

Yup! DisTINCTly.

At this point, I absolutely truly do not know what a foul is and is not in the NBA this season. THAT counts as a flop?!

the nba: we respect women too much for this to happen :'(

also the nba: welcome back, Kevin Porter Jr. and Miles Bridges!

I read writing by humans because humans wrote it and I’m a human and I can feel like a part of something larger while seeing myself through the eyes of another human.
Writing isn’t software predicting things, it’s a damn encounter, a conversation, it’s touching the ethereal with humans.
Loud sigh!

Sheesh indeed. Dang.

My lord, what a game.

The last time the Pistons were on Peacock, Austin Rivers had me screaming at the TV. I'm glad to see I'm not just being a homer, and he's intolerable in a game where I have no horse in the race too.

She's normally such a good girl! I think she's mad I didn't give her a rawhide, so she's punishing our usual NBA time. She knows how to hit me where it hurts.

We are alive in an era where we can watch Jokić and Shai Gilgeous-Alexander's teams play each other, but they force us to watch it on some "app" where we have to listen to Austin Rivers.

The universe giveth and the universe taketh away. Denver and OKC are tied in the fourth quarter, but the dog is fragrancing the air with her bowels.