toomanypancakes

If you add water to something, it becomes tea. Trust me.

Coffee? Bean tea
Soup? Vegetable tea
Bread? Toast tea
Friends? Best tea

more dudes should be wearing eyeliner and lip gloss in this essay i will-

If you're at the point where you're boofing hot dogs you probably need to pause and reconsider things

A subject I'm interested in Me Anyone who will listen coffee poured into a cup on a table meme funny humor joke

When I talk about Magic: The Gathering

If I had a third tit I'd want it positioned atop my head like a stylish hat

If you have a breakfast burrito for lunch its just a burrito by then

Guess it's back to the grind, said the skateboarder on Monday morning

*meeting a gay couple*

so, which one of you takes spiders outside

Dolling myself up just so I can stand in front of the mirror and tell myself I still got it before pajamas and potato chips happen

there are no cool billionaires bc no decent person would become a billionaire

My lovelanguage is someone spitting halls into my mouth

there are two durans inside of me and they’re both hungry like the wolf

Excuse me, my good sir, what seems to be the fuck?

[watching a pug struggle to breathe] how did we fuck up wolves this badly

I can't believe I already failed my new years resolution to never mention resolutions again

Drawing of a raccoon and an opossum high fiving on top of a trash can with a crescent moon above them. Text at the bottom reads TEAM TRASH.

Finally found my team

Wake me up when somebody makes zero calorie cinnamon rolls a thing

I should have been born a dog, since I also pee a little when I get too excited

i get vertigo if i look up and away from my phone so ive just completely stopped doing that

Sorry, but I'm violently allergic to company. Please go away.

Thank goodness for emergency pasta

I donated mine to goodwill, I didn't think there was a market

Happy Christmas to those who celebrate, and I hope either way you have tasty drinks, good food, and/or lots of weed tonight 💜

I'm dreaming of a damp Christmas

Oh none for me thanks, I think I've had enough

Gif of a music video. There's two blue people in seats, the lyrics are "I'm blue, da ba dee, da ba die"

I'm telling my kids this was Avatar