Sir Daniel Ratcliffe

For me, it would also lose a significant amount of weight.

Now I always ask "Don't you want to see my ID?" They never do. Maybe I need to shave again.

I don't think she was blind, either.

I was 45 the last time I got asked for ID to buy booze.

For only the second time in my life, I got my step target today by flushing the lavatory after having a shit, because my FitBit thought that was a step. It is perversely pleasing, and perverse pleasures are the best pleasures.

I have just cleaned the lavatory and mopped the bathroom floor. I expect that most people don't do those things at nearly midnight, but I am far from most people. I mean, literally. Most people are in Asia.

This would have been (but wasn't) my suggestion. My Friendface output is just whatever falls into my head each day. Most days, it appeals to some people, and never will it appeal to everyone, and that's fine. If you have your own writing style (and you do), this will keep people reading.

I only became properly atheist (rather than just indifferent about religion) after my brother gave me Unweaving The Rainbow. That one book did the trick.

My 2026 is so far neither here nor there, but I shall hope that yours improves.

A shame indeed. I obviously knew you first from the bus. Those who have unsubscribed were presumably there for either smut or Schadenfreude, both of which I can understand, but neither of which is very noble.

Someone once answered one of these to say how willing I was to humiliate myself for the sake of a joke. It's really not just jokes.

It's the same tragic condition that keeps me from giving blood, in tandem with another condition that I have, called 'tremendous cowardice'.

I would agree, but I have a medical condition. It's called being a selfish prick. If only there were a cure.

I can't tell you how many years it took me to find a mnemonic for whether it's anemone or anenome. Whenever I have ever mentioned this to anyone, they have confidently said the wrong one.

I have never forgotten the mnemonic that I was taught for remembering resistor colour coding, but I will not say what it is because it's disgusting, and in this age, the instructor that taught us would rightly lose his job.

A less disgusting mnemonic is that a stationer sells stationery.

I suppose it's just because I already know everything.

I am (obviously) not a journalist, but I don't use it for anything. If I already know something, I don't need it; if I don't know something, I can't trust it.

Apparently, neither do I.

It's only really bad if they say "well, I didn't want to say, but I always thought..."

A lemon drop (cocktail), with sheet music in background.

A lemon drop. 30ml of vodka citron, 20ml of triple sec, and 15ml of lemon juice, shaken with ice and strained. Poor quality rimming. Background is Rachmaninoff op3 no2.

My brother introduced his girlfriend (brown) to my folks and grandmother. My grandmother: does she speak English? My brother: er, yes. She's from London.

To be fair, she was *very* quiet.

I really was approaching the spherical at that point.

Me being large.

Found it, and apparently I misremembered the chins, but my word, I wish I hadn't found it.

Oh, it would take me a while to find mine. I kind of buried it. But I can absolutely picture it.

And speaking of chins, it was seeing an absolutely awful picture of me displaying my collection of chins that made me do it.

I remember that moment well. Years of obesity, plummeted through overweight, but then it took ages to do the last bit.

What? There is only one use of the passive voice in this excerpt, and that explicity states the agent of the verb, and indeed inverting it to use the active voice would have just sounded weird.

Dropped my pants in front of a police officer and everything.

Meh, when I was fourteen, I had to go to hospital to be resuscitated after downing a bottle of vodka in one, and I turned out ok.

Oh, hang on a minute...

Consistently tried to make my writing worse by enforcing 'rules' that its makers clearly didn't actually understand. I blame Strunk and White, as I always do.

The day that Grammarly told me to change every instance of till to 'til was the day I uninstalled it. That was about an hour after I installed it.