Pukey Suzuki (fka Jolie Laide)

I wonder if my neighbors can tell when I'm stoned because I'm listening to certain songs on repeat. Tonight's all about archers of loaf.

chicken salad has been meal prepped but I'm debating if I want to add some tricolor rotini to it for more heft. plus, it looks pretty.

exciting news: I have stored my winter bedding for the season which means it's fucking hot already here in Los Angeles

I hate this planet

Come on over gals, I got a tank of laughing gas and a dog; let's party!!!

I need to keep meal prepping so I have things to constantly nosh.

She's pretty and very tasty.

"wahhh I'm attractive to a man and I'm gonna whine about it because he doesn't tell me my brain is the most magical part about me" - the sad song of Selena

I do not like that this man is so clearly wanting to put his dick in me; I don't think sexual attraction means anything. I have worked my whole life to elevate myself to something beyond the base drives of humanity & sure I'm a pretentious asshat but my vagina is too premium for basic boys.

good afternoon, for lunch today we are serving soft scrambled eggs with Swiss cheese, topped with Japanese vegetable curry. it's one of my favorite random flavor combinations. the nuttiness of the Swiss cheese compliments the slightly sweet, mild heat, and eggs are a perfect canvas.

I'm basically whatever despair is but in German

You ever cry in a sex club?

honestly, I know mark Wahlberg is a garbage person but he did deserve an Oscar for calling Leo Dicaprio a lace curtain Irish motherfucker.

yes, I am a procrastinator.

I figured out what I'm supposed to do next so I guess I'll start that on Monday. Writing around what I really want to write has helped me hone in on the target, so let's hit the soft underbelly while it's exposed.

I opted not to meet him for myriad reasons but we have tentative plans to hit up the shooting range upon his return from Europe. This is the longest I've texted someone without meeting & it's weird because I feel neutral. But that's probably the healthiest way to feel.

My neighbor's father whom I've never met is an elderly man with a large appetite & has deemed my split pea soup "the best ever" & claims i must be a professional chef. Honestly, this is the best feeling ever.

In an alternate universe, I am definitely a chef. I bet she's sober now too.

Finally I can reclaim this mix I made when I was in the opening throes of whatever bullshit I was feeling when I met what's his name. It's mine. This is my energy and hope. I almost gave it to someone who would never have understood or welcomed that.

today's a perfect day to make a vat of split pea soup with kielbasa and potatoes. my friend had dental surgery awhile back so I'm going to send her a quart or two. also I'll probably hook my neighbor up with some as well. I have a literal soup kitchen.

my god, Padma Lakshmi is seriously the hottest she's ever looked on America's Culinary Kitchen. I cannot stop ogling her. Whoever is styling her deserves a bonus. She is a goddess.

this very catchy rentals song is an anthem about being urinated on?

A man just sent me a gif of cream doughnuts being filled. I'm either really aroused or hungry. Should I call the cops

I just looked at the lineup for the 2026 black & blue ball & observed "wow I didn't fuck anyone in any of these bands" with relief

as a teenage vegan, my favorite lazy dinner was a big bowl of white rice, a can of vegetarian baked beans and a can of drained corn dumped together and lashed with a lot of hot sauce. I called it "the fart city special" & the name has since stuck for all sorts of flatulent forward meals.

honestly I'm more excited about the pho and jamming a plate full of cha gio into my face.

I just told the 32 year old hottie that I would meet him for a day trip to the valley to run some errands and get lunch this week. We haven't met yet but have been texting for months. This will be awkward. But hey I can convince him to get pho with me.

ahahahahahahhaha no I will not let you send my resume to a company that wants to pay 90K for a SENIOR DESIGNER position in LOS ANGELES, please tell this company to go fuck themselves, thank you

good morning, for lunch today I am preparing vegan tofu katsu with curry (carrots, potatoes, mushrooms) and may do sanuki udon. there will be furikake & shichimi togarashi.
I've been subsisting on lazy lady gruel for too long; time to treat myself to a tantalus situation

I will forever hate the third act of PROMISING YOUNG WOMAN.

Lots and little, in that order

if I have a lot of high end designer clothes & shoes I want to get rid of (R13, Mother), would it make sense to sell off one by one on eBay or bulk sell to The Real Real so I can just take a store credit & call it a day?