Canadian Bacon

😭😭😭

Canadian spring is like regular spring except there’s still more snow to come.

I love the smell of bacon in the morning . . . and in the afternoon . . . and in the evening . . . and at midnight . . .

i shouldn’t have to work when there’s weather outside

hey sorry I was being a bitch last night, I meant every word

four cheese, really?
like fourmaggio wasn’t right there

adding extra salt to the food without trying it first just to feel something

If you’re open to it 😂

I don’t make or follow the rules

anyone who's still here when the party's over will have chores allocated to them

all of my post now contain protein so the tears can be even stronger

😂😂

sometimes you just gotta laugh through all the stupidity around you

When one hole shuts another one opens, or however that saying goes.

Farting (carefully)

May the skeet be with you.

(and also with you.)

Ahhhhh-men!

Getting the supreme car wash because I love sour cream

at the doctor getting my irony levels checked. they say theyre dangerously high but i think theyre being sarcastic

*All of my pet photos are better looking than my selfies.

I’m gonna smoke a joint so that I can pretend to care.

Sorry I won't make it to work today; I am still mourning the loss of an hour of my weekend.

My brain is a group chat I can’t leave.

every so often a problem comes along and ruins your whole life. i am that problem.

We’re gonna get like some sort of heads up before the end of the world, right? Cuz I don’t wanna be paying bills that don’t need paying.

I dunno, living behind a brick wall in somebody's basement sounds kind of relaxing.

losing an hour on International Women’s Day feels right

Every day is women’s day if you are delusional.

the princess and the hog

full frontal noodles

The thing is, apple pie is a bit sexy.