Not The Real Clarence

Senator Lisa Murkowski

Lisa Murkowski realizing she doesn’t actually use the Senate gym membership she sold out America for

Is ICE hunting the leader of an Iranian sleeper cell or a college student with an overdue parking ticket? I can’t tell anymore 🤷‍♂️

UPDATE: Kristi Noem's allergic reaction likely caused by exposure to the Bill of Rights

If masked dudes pull up and try to shove me in a van, am I supposed to just jump in now? Asking for the Fourth Amendment

If Trump doesn’t work for Putin it’s a tragedy because his performance at the G7 Summit is a masterclass in sucking up to the boss…and also betraying America

Dept of Homeland Security has handcuffed more senators than terrorists this week

When the cognitive decline is so bad you deploy the marines to the wrong country

It's Elon vs Trump and I'm not ready for this level of snowflake on snowflake violence

Stephen Miller seems like the kind of alpha male who sits in the corner and cries while he watches

Budget cuts aren't that bad. You might lose a rural community hospital, but you can still have a community first aid kit

That part in Terminator when the machines are wiping out humanity and Jake Tapper publishes a book criticizing his old toaster

It's not a free plane, it's $400M of spyware with wings

Reopening Alcatraz is brilliant when you consider he originally demanded to reopen Jurassic Park

I don't have top secret clearance, but I am in Hegseth's March Madness group chat, and that's basically the same thing

My trade deficit with Costco is staggering

BREAKING: In response to rising inflation, the Supreme Court is increasing the price of rulings by 30%

Somewhere there’s a Domino’s Pizza with our war plans for Iran

I still trust Chuck Schumer to fight fascism with mild suggestions and an occasional stern letter

Goalposts got moved to the stadium several states over

Buying the Tesla ‘dip’ is like booking a trip on the Titanic after it hit the iceberg

Red arm bands would have clashed with the outfits

I mean, I’m sure they have a tip line for patriots who want to be of service, I thought it would be on this spreadsheet but I can’t seem to find it anywhere. Maybe other people will have better luck

Anybody have helpful tips for the DOGE team? I think I heard something about the IRS spending $500 billion on sex changes for polar bears in Guatemala. Seems like something the entire DOGE team would want to know about…I’m sure other people might have helpful tips for them too

If the GOP doesn’t dial it back Kim Jong Un is gonna start getting jealous

I didn’t realize this was AI until I noticed Trump wasn’t wearing a ball gag

Fck JD Vance and the couch he rode in on. Slava Ukraini 🇺🇦

It would have been more subtle if Putin walked into the Oval Office and handed talking points directly to Trump/Vance

DOGE has accidentally canceled Ebola prevention and Bird Flu research, but not a single Tesla or Starlink contract 🤔

The worst cosplay I’ve ever seen is Mike Johnson trying to pretend he’s a follower of Jesus Christ

What’s the medical term for when the Chlamydia’s IQ is higher than the host?