Justin Morissette

The movie itself is absolute hogwash but MEG 2: THE TRENCH going with "New MEG. Old Chum." is five stars all on its own.

Bilbo looking at his phone top on bottom is ChatGPT After all, why not? Why shouldn't I keep it? You're absolutely right — you found it, it's been with you a long while, and it's only natural to feel fond of something that's served you so well, especially when someone like Gandalf suddenly seems to want it for himself.

🤷🏻‍♂️

Weapons punished because we can’t acknowledge more than one popular horror-ish film per year apparently.

Del Toro’s Frankenstein is a dreadful lifeless movie, just interminably long and completely uninteresting. F1 is totally average. Oscar gets it wrong yet again!

One day your phone will light up and it's because The Funny Thing Happened. Every day it doesn't happen, the likelihood increases that it will happen

It is going to happen this year. You know what I mean. God’s will. Naturally of course. No need to come knocking on my door. I’m chilling at home and I’ll be chilling at home when it happens. Before I go running out into the streets that is. Shaking the mailman’s hand. Kissing nurses and shit. All of a sudden there’s a drumline and a mariachi band and breakdancers and fuckin… David Guetta is DJing on a rooftop if David Guetta is still alive. Maybe we’ll even get to watch it live on TV. The first flicker that something is really wrong. Slowing it down and rewinding it after like when Lisa broke Ralph’s heart. The realization in his eyes. The first single moment of self awareness in 80 years. Like a flailing panicked deer you’ve crashed your car into on the side of a snowy mountain pass. The eyes fluttering back and forth. Surely this can’t have been it. Perhaps a brief bargaining with God. God saying he’s going to pass on the deal. I do not agree with your terms sir. It’s gonna be like the Will Smith Summertime video out there. Everywhere. We’re all going to get fired from our jobs for posting. 100% unemployment. One good day.

A podcast asked me to record a voice note about my prediction for 2026 and here it is.

Mafia goon: Nice house you got here...it'd be a shame if something happened to it

Media outlets: Mafia goon rules out use of force. Expresses regret at the mere thought of it

Overall it’s probably The Fog but it feels wrong to pick because the parts of it that hit go so god damn hard.

CDC website altered at Robert F. Kennedy's behest to reflect his belief that "all events depicted in the film Ghostbusters really happened."

I would force Disney to stop adapting their animated films into “live action” and make them do it to their early 90s cartoon lineup instead. Gargoyles live action film trilogy, gritty reboot of Bonkers, Tail Spin: The Next Generation, The DarkWing Returns, things of that nature.

you just know John Wick was going crazy shooting guys in the crowd at this party

"Dasha got dropped by Gersh," I say to the elerly woman sitting next to me on the bus. "Can you believe that?" She empties an entire can of mace directly into my face instantly.

Exciting news! I’ve just landed a high-paying government job as an officially sanctioned ostrich executioner, hired to shoot 200+ large birds in the head one by one… maybe line a few up and see how many I can do at once? Anyway. Dreams do come true, can’t wait to get started!!

Superman is basically two hours of Holy Shit, Fuck Israel: The Motion Picture and that’s a real crowdpleaser at the moment

One of four movies I’ve given five stars to this year along with Sinners, Superman and One Battle After Another.

it’s never too late to be right

*explaining Ballad of a Small Player to an American cinephile*: so, imagine a Berger

[hot chocolate “you sexy thing” voice]

Tim Robinson super slouched on a chair looking at his phone like a doofus

ME: ugh why does my back hurt all the time

ALSO ME:

Americans voting

Scooped it on Blu-ray as a blind buy from Sunrise Records a couple years ago, but I watched it immediately before we could cover it on the show. I think I talked about it on a few different episodes, but definitely the one we did on Creepshow. It’s great!

man this really foretold the entire tech industry huh

three young men in the library having a long, earnest conversation about what I assumed was a group project until I heard one of them say "Goku wouldn't do that"

The best bit would be a cut to the teleprompter and this is all on there, word for word.

It’s for sure Wunderbar, but I have time for a peanut butter Oh Henry.