Holy Erisian Kirk of Caledonia

A KŌAN: The master Joshi was walking on the road to Nanzen-ji when he chanced upon a ford. "Sorry mate, I didn't see you," said the driver.

Open your hymnals to page 5, everyone

🎵 EAT THE RI-ICH
LET THEM KNOW IT'S FEEDING TI-IME
EEEEAT THE RI-ICH
LET THEM KNOW IT'S FEEDING TI-IME 🎵

Let us pray. Almighty and everlasting God, [HIGHLIGHTED] who of thy great mercy didst save Noah and his family in the ark from perishing by water; [END HIGHLIGHT] and also didst safely lead the children of Israel thy people through the Red Sea, figuring thereby thy holy Baptism; and [screenshot ends]

Look I try not to be all Internet Atheist (saving your presence, Eris *stars self*) but I just spotted this in the baptism liturgy in the CofE Book of Common Prayer and... that is one way of looking at I guess

Ninja Kitty on her lead, walking along a path in a grassy park surrounded by autumn leaves

Ninja in her harness and lead, sitting in a cobblestone labyrinth with that closed-eyed smile that cats do

A man pointed at us and loudly told his small daughter "That man's not well" the other day for walking her. She loves her walks and yowls at the door if I'm late with them.

May Goddess punish the incurious with their own misery

Cute black cat wearing a colourful harness on an extensible yellow lead, enjoying her walk in a park in low-angled, crisp winter sunlight

Sister Ninja Kitty Go, first deaconess of the Order of Bastet and treasurer of the Erisian Freak Orthodox Church, enjoying her walk in the park

You are here, you have community, and there is plenty to do.

You do not have to die on every hill, but we do all die, and there is a hill waiting for you somewhere here already, something worth defending, and work in that place worth being done.

So let us get to that work. Let us stay at it.

Just realised I didn't have "messages from anyone" turned on, I do now! PM if you want an Erisian pocket shrine (each is unique)

Four "pocket shrines" made of old small tin containers, shown with lids closed. They are painted with 1) a red Five-Fingered Hand of Eris symbol on black; 2) the words "Ædicuoæ Discordiæ" in distorted red seriph letters (a bit like the SJG Principia cover) and a gold Hand, on a black background; 3) A golden apple on a dark blue and dark red background; 4) Starbuck's Pebbles in grey on black; 5) there is no 5

The same tins, I mean pocket shrines, open and upright. Each contains a differently visualised homemade polymer clay figurine of Eris against a painted background, and a card inside the lid with a bit of nonsense on it. 1) Topless Black Eris after Hendrick de Clerk, standing against a spacey void below a Sacred Chao in red and yellow. 2) Lanky Eris in blue bodystocking after Edward Burne-Jones, against a multicoloured pentagonal mandala on a vague green and blue naturescape; 3) Eris with bright magenta skin, blue hair and a green dress, brandishing a Golden Apple and a hotdog; 4) Eris in blue, hiding her modesty behind an Apple (which is real metal baked into the clay) against a starry-nighty-Chaoey spiral; 5) there is still no 5

Free to good #Discordian homes: Eris pocket shrines. Pay me back for postage (from UK) and they're yours until I get bored of making them. (Pretty sure they're low-value gifts & therefore exempt from US tariffs etc)

Pythagoras died for your sines

One of those images that is just text of a short religious platitude in a fancy font. It reads: If you meet Goddess on the road, high-five Her [ODD#3129-PKTSHRN-00027]

when the nazis came I never thought their declaration of martial law would be this fucking whiny. like an office manager passive-aggressively accusing you of stealing post-it notes

Can anyone recommend any online Discordian hangouts that are not full of antivax wankers and AI drivel and also not past my European-ass bedtime?

(I used to hang out in a Discord sometimes but I've forgotten which one. It had Principia readings that were fun. An open-mic sermon night could be good)

This is the image used on the Wikipedia pages for Eris and Discordianism, and the one that many people, apparently even Eris's own worshippers, apparently think is the *only* picture of Eris from before 1959 or so. To be fair, it's a pretty killer - and hot - image. A raven-winged, be-headdressed, big-eyed, Rubenesque Eris in an outre gridded dress is doing a "walk like an Egyptian" pose with her arms while running away from someone or something in a pair of utterly awesome shoes. Between her feet the Greeks have written EPIS, because the proper letter R wasn't invented for another 200 years.

8. The Eris You've Seen Before, Athenian redfigure kylix, c. 550 BC

In a reversal of what I'd expect, Hercules has been drawn rather unflatteringly and Discord rather unflatteringly. This is a black and white picture of Hercules and Eris wrasslin' naked on a rocky outcrop, and either Hercules has the upper hand or Eris is letting him think he does. Hercules, a bearded middle-aged bloke (at least it's not Kevin Sorbo) wearing only a fur cape, is about to bring his huge club down onto Our Lady's eager chin, and before I get to describing Eris I'll mention that there's another bloody cherub trying to get in on the action as well. A somewhat muscular Eris is writhing stark naked with Herc's foot on her face. She has her back to us but is flashing some sideboob with a hint of nip, and her arm-snake is back. By her facial expression she's enjoying the proceedings, and pleasure is of itself hot. I trust a good time was had by all.

9. Sub Gillian Anderson Eris, "Hercules Fighting Discord", Cristoffel Jegher, 1630

Hercules didn't actually fight Discord/Eris, which is quite an achievement considering that, being mythical, he didn't even do any of the things he DID do

A big vase, painted in the Ancient Greeks' weird Kate-Beaton-cartoon-esque redfigure style with a scene of the Judgement of Paris. Paris, enjoying the attention, sits on a nonexistent chair as a tiny flying woman whispers in his ear. Around him stand various deities and other VIPs, one of whom is naked and appears about to apply a branding iron to an Airedale terrier. Above them, peering through a window in spacetime...

...Eris is drawn from the shoulder up, with a take-no-crap expression, squiggly chin-length hair, black pearls, a sacking dress, and truly oddly shaped boobs. It's stylistic, but something about her poise gives her a quietly dangerous hotness. Besides, being drawn by an actual Grecian, this might be one of the more accurate depictions, in which case I'd better at least put it in the top ten.

10. Playstation 2 Lo-Poly Eris, redfigure hydrea, c. 440 BC

Black and white drawing of Eris's head in a circle. Eris is a miffed-looking 50s housewife who's just starting to enter the market for face cream, but with added forked tongue and hair snakes. Moreover, one of said snakes is creeping mischievously over her shoulder with a view to taking a chomp out of said tongue. While this Eris's plain physicality may not notably hot, the implication that either i) the snakes are autonomous agents, or ii) Eris controls all the snakes individually and is into nibbling her own tongue, gains her several places in this ranking.

11. Gorgon Betty Rubble Eris, illustration by Benjamin Rabier to a 1906 edition of Fables

Eris descends from the sky to a crossing over a forest stream in order to confront some other god, maybe Hymen STOP LAUGHING AT THE BACK but that's a guess just because he appears in the Fable. Eris is carrying a fiery torch and dressed (barely) in a gold-coloured... is it a toga if it doesn't go higher than the waist? She is, and I cannot stress this enough, RIPPED, showing a full and impressively formed leg, her arms forward in a modesty pose that conceals some definite Curves, and her face manages to be attractive while still believably that of a Goddess of Strife.

12. Relay Race Participant Eris, illustration by Jean-Baptiste Oudry for Fontaine's "La Discorde", 1937.

A relatively genteel portrayal of That Wedding, the centrepiece of which is a ripped Zeus. A woman (or goddess) behind him is about to pour gravy on his head, I don't know why. Sadly, that isn't Eris.

Eris once again loiters above the scene, having apparently accidentally beamed herself into a tree. She's painted middle-aged, with a shock of white hair expertly styled into an "I don't care what my hair looks like" messy do. (It might be snakes, I can't quite tell.) Gold robe, unashamed cleavage, tossing the Apple with a confident overarm pitch.

13. Lesbian Pig Farmer Eris, "The Feast of the Gods at the Wedding of Peleus and Thetis", Abraham Bloemaert, 1638.

I think I meant a lesbian who farms pigs, and not a farmer of lesbian pigs, but it's yours to interpret it as you wish.

will I finish ranking pre-Discordian images of Eris by hotness today? Ever? Let's find out together! 🧵

A Regency-era couple, who according to the Fable in question should be quarrelling but are inexplicably depicted as holding hands wholesomely in the manner of two people who are utterly wet and weeds. They are being counselled or something by a cherub. Eris peers at them over a boulder. If it weren't for the large bat wings and what looks like a pet snake coiled around her left arm, you would have no way of knowing this was Eris. She's also flashing us some ankle, which was probably considered risqué at the time. Anyway, don't get me wrong - she's not unhot in an Elizabeth Bennet sort of way. But she's also not Eris.

14. 1990s BBC Period Drama Eris, illustration by Gustav Doré to an 1867 edition of La Fontaine's Fables

Paris hands the apple to Aphrodite as the Minerva rattles her spear in defeat and Hera looks at the 'camera' with a plaintive gesture. Is she begging Wtevael to paint a different outcome? Or just to paint something else entirely for once? They are surrounded by cavorting cherubs, satyrs, and for some reason cows and goats. Far away, in a gap in the trees, hovers...

...an Eris robed in a rather pathetic shade of yellow, with a Grandpa Munster haircut and what appears to be a small cypress tree grwing out of Her left shoulder. Blurry and novel, at least for someone who's painted the same scene at least four times already, but not hot.

15. Lemon Punk Eris, "The Judgement of Paris", Joachim Wtevael, 1615. Joachim, no! You HAD it!!

If you get raptured against your will, contact Amnasty Interdimensional via your pineal gland

Closed shrine: a small rounded-rectangular hinged tin, which once housed cough mints or something, standing portrait with its lid (now front) facing the camera. It has been painted black with a simple "Starbuck's Pebbles" design (four grey splodges lying at the vertices of an imaginary pentagon, or pentagram, or both, or neither).

Opening the tin reveals the little shrine, it's back wall painted with a Sacred Chao design (yin-yang shape but with a golden apple and a pentagon instead of the dots) forming out of a swirly cosmic background. In front of this, standing on the floor of the shrine (once an inside edge of the mints tin) is a polymer clay figurine of the chaos goddess ERIS, holding a golden(-coloured metal) apple, formerly a small brooch, which has been baked into her clay. She has blue skin, multicoloured hair, a wide grin and googly eyes, and is wearing a mostly green dress.

#Discordian pocket shrine (WIP)

Goddess grant me the anger to fight, the strength to laugh and the stupidity to keep going

Ah now THIS is good. He's done away with the wood setting and moved us to a Gilliamesque cloud land. The crowd of naked people is so self-awarely overdone that it becomes an almost continuous flow, not something that gets in the way of the landscape but BECOMES THE LANDSCAPE ITSELF. The boy's done it.

Eris is cool too. The artist has lent into the sinewy milf look, giving her rippling muscles and crazy string hair. She has her Apple and her stick of course, and is accompanied by three brand new members of the Eris Gang - Owl, Bat, and Five-Legged Baby! Her deep pink dress is billowing smoke because... I guess it's on fire? Eris, watch out!

16. Skinny Toned Angel Eris in "The Wedding of Peleus and Thetis v2_final2_finalFINAL (2)" by Joacim Wtevael (1612). By George, I think he's got it!

Printed illustration to La Fontaine's dreary French verse "La Discorde". Eris, looking masc and well toned, with her hair in snakes and carrying a fiery torch at an inadvisable angle, touches down to visit some other, more conventional looking goddess (Harmonia/Concordia/Aneris?), who is hiding a pair of trumpets behind her back for reasons that are unlikely to become apparent. Eris wears an Olympus-standard white robe with a sash of a colour you can't tell because there's no colour. She's hot in that "dude that a straight dude might consider making an exception for" way that you're not sure you've fully examined.

17. Stoner Femboy Eris, from an illustration by Emile-Joseph-Alexandre Gouget to a 19th-century edition of La Fontaine's Fables. One for the bi/pans, I suspect.

Everything is gold! The landscape has turned surreal, but it's still made of trees! There's a sleepy dog in the corner! You can't MOVE for naked people!

Some flying naked people drift apart just long enough to reveal Eris, gold-tinted and wearing a pale pink sheet, still holding her Apple and mystery stick. She's flying like Superman, and has short greying-blonde hair like Sandi Toksvig.

18. Shiny Topless Angel Eris, "The Wedding of Peleus and Thetis (1).jpg", Joachim Wtevael, 1612. Yes, he painted the same scene several times in the same year, and gave them all the same name. They're different enough to be ranked separately.

Honestly, I'm running out of ways to describe a picture of lots of naked people sitting at picnic tables in the woods.

Eris appears as in a white and lemon boobs-out dress, carrying the Apple in one hand and, for reasons that are unlikely to become apparent, a stick in the other, and flying on wings that are definitely too small for the physics to work out. I'm getting a sort of cyber-goth-nerd Kelly Osbourne vibe.

19. Pudgy Topless Angel Eris, "The Wedding of Peleus and Thetis", Joachim Wtevael (who I think I spelled wrong earlier), 1612.

The wedding is looking a lot more Renaissance, which is to say, everyone is indoors and in clothes. The guests sit at an L-shaped table in a tiled room designed by a culture that hasn't quite invented perspective yet.

Eris herself, wearing a pink dress with detachable red sleeves and a blue and white wimple, stands in teh middle of the room. Something is dangling from her belt that looks like the neck of a lute but probably isn't, and she's holding aloft a faded brown object that we know from context to be the Apple of Discord. Nobody takes any notice. She looks beak-nosed and somewhat crone-ish.

20. Quentin Blake Illustration Eris, from the 15th-century French illuminated manuscript "L'Epitre d'Othea".

Drawing from a Victorian history textbook showing a bas-relief on a Roman coffin, in which the guests line up in an orderly fashion to present their gifts to Peleus and/or Thetis. At the very end of the queue...

...a winged cherub pushes away a completely blandly dressed and drawn woman, carrying a bundle of sticks or wheat, or maybe an unlit torch, over one shoulder.

21. Farmer Eris, Roman sarcophagus, 2nd century AD. At first I thought Eris was the fourth figure from the left, who is carrying what might be an apple and setting the guy next to her's feet on fire (?), but more likely She's the one at the far left being denied admittance by the doorcherub.