They're releasing a new version of E.T. where the guns are back, but in order to justify it they've added a scene where E.T. commits a school shooting.
They're releasing a new version of E.T. where the guns are back, but in order to justify it they've added a scene where E.T. commits a school shooting.
"All rise for the national anthem"
JAMES BOND will return in THE MAN WITH A HOT DOG FOR A PENIS
Ben Shapiro with giant eyebrows
Groucho Marx
Looksmarxxing
Before the internet, the only way to troll people was to put the toilet paper roll on backwards and pretend like it was normal.
Sitting here waiting for the stream to load like:
Aubrey Plaza? What next, Danielle Courtyard?
Launching a charity that provides guide humans for blind dogs.
So what if I purchased an armchair made of real human arms on Facebook Marketplace?
"Everyone can sing this part with me."
Got bullied for not liking the Harry Potter books and now I'm getting bullied for liking them. There are no right answers in this world.
Fast food CEOs everywhere are tolerating it!
New at McDonald's McMystery Sandwich. "Are the bugs supposed to be there?" "What animal is this from?" "Don't eat this - Dr. Alan W Anderson, Board Certified Nutritionist." "Don't ask questions, just eat."
They're replacing the Supreme Court with the Extreme Court, in which a shirtless, roided-up judge named "Mike Razorblade" announces his ruling while breaking a chair over the back against the party he feels was in the wrong.
Something to be proud of: An elite team of MIT postgrads have developed an AI capable of generating 10 billion Simpsons memes per second.
No Iβm not βhard of hearing,β Iβm hard-on hearing. Got my dick stuck in my ear.
Graph with negative numbers and a red arrow on a downward slope
Unilever is discontinuing this account due to our rapidly tanking stock price. We apologize to everyone we offended, with the exception of Hain Celestial Group.
Don't listen to those smug cocksuckers over at Procter & Gamble with their "Tide pod" bullshit. Persil is good enough. Your mom uses it to clean the smegma out of her panties, FYI.
Sure, the countless hours you've spent applying Unilever sunscreen may prevent skin cancer, but you'll die in a fiery car wreck anyway. Say goodbye to your loved ones while you still have a chance. Unilever.
They say there's more than one way to skin a cat, and here at #Unilever we discovered 94 of them conducting animal tests on a new lip balm.
Unilever beauty products are colored glop you rub on your exterior. Sure, it won't fix what's inside of you... but will anything? Unilever: Life is meaningless, and you're uglyβ’οΈ
"Grok? Make a state of the union for me."
"Okay."
Are your sandwiches dry as a camel's ass? Don't worry; Unilever has all the #condiments you need, like mayonnaise, ketchup, and Vaseline.
Do you purchase and use Unilever soaps and cleaning products, or are you a filthy piece of shit? Let us know in the replies!
Unilever logo
We are proud to announce that this account has been acquired by the Unilever Corporation.
Mark Zuckerberg is following me around and collecting my personal information. Can anyone help?
Experts are saying that by the year 2035 most of us will be taking waterslides to get to work. #commuting
Itβs called ManMenuing and itβs the hot new eating disorder thatβs just for men.
Painting of Napoleon
If Napoleon was alive today, he'd be dead by now. #history
Microsoft Copilot circa 2026
Microsoft Clippy circa 1997
Reject modernity. Embrace tradition.