Beth Breeze

"Mum.. you can't put Kathy Reichs next to Michel Foucault."

*hastily rearranges the bookshelf*

Newspaper photo of a group of cats huddled together on a satellite dish with the headline, "Outdoor cats are using $500 Starlink satellite dishes as self-heating beds."

Cats are and always have been cyberpunks

It upsets me that the sugar puff honey monster has sold out for Alpen.

Me when I need to be instilled with the confidence of a mediocre white man:

We’ll sorely regret giving maladjusted nerds the keys to our future

I would like to wail and walk into the sea wearing a very floaty cotton dress on a moonlit night.

Gaslit by the library.

Sorry if I have to request an article from the Journal of Further and Higher Education, I'm cancelling my tuition fee payments. I'll probably also quit.

Why does my university's library seemingly not own anything?! Why do I have to REQUEST ACCESS TO EVERY SINGLE PAPER AND BOOK I WANT TO CITE?! I've not had this at other universities I've been at... requesting access to CORE journals and books?!

I'm beginning to have regrets picking this place.

Chicago pope.. it's deep dish and the cheese is under the sauce, right?

laura loomer tweet: WOKE MARXIST POPE

Cassocks are red
Conclaves are dope
Wake up babe we got a

Here for the pope memes

It's an epidemic in all fairness

Shouting at Homes Under the Hammer. All the investors turning lovely homes into HMOs 😤😤😤 no wonder we can't sodding buy.

It's me, a medium sized person with a peacock blue wavy mullet doing a camp curtsy in the middle of the road. The photo is framed to position me under the arch in Manchester's Chinatown. I'm smiling authentically for the first time in months.

When life throws yet more curveballs and you're already in a perpetual state of existential depression... sometimes the best thing to do is to try the interesting food, drink the fancy cocktails and lean into the absurdity of optimistic nihilism ✨

In an attempt to scare off the Sunday scaries, tomorrow i'm looking forward to a morning swim, a cooked breakfast and maybe some gentle writing in the pub. It has to be done.

Scene.

Drumstick - Front Line Assembly

Saw one of my absolute favourite bands this evening - Front Line Assembly. I'm talking iPod classic, songs on repeat to and from school, isolated and misunderstood because nobody knew who they were.

I somehow found the energy in me to do a rugby line out jump and snagged this drumstick! So happy!

a skeleton is standing in a room with a chair ALT: a skeleton is standing in a room with a chair

"Let's plant a tree for Earth day!"

Me, a vegan of 8 years with a minimal carbon footprint:

Abysmal state of things. I'm tired.

Screenshot of my resting heart rate being at 47 bpm

I've turned auto-rest off because I think that's cocking it up.

My heart rate is not heart rating.

No, it's not that I'm actually super fit 😂 I'm the biggest, most unfit and most stressed I've ever been in my life.

Exhibit A:

Screenshot of swimming laps which seem oddly inconsistent. 15 75 m 54s 1:12/100m 16 0 m 435 Os/100m 17 50 m 57s 1:54/100m 18 0 m 2:00 Os /100m 19 50 m 1:15 2:30/100m

Wtf is going on with these swimming splits/laps?

If I see any more of these AI action figures I'm gonna eat macroplastics. Not microplastics. Macro.

Whatever his trick, his elixir... I would like it bottled

"I've hugged a monk AND a nun!"
Absolutely bucket list goals tbh. What a guy 😂

That's effectively what it is!

I've written half a chapter of

✨nothing✨

What's the structure?

✨i don't know✨

When's your deadline?

✨not for a while but that doesn't stop me from screaming internally✨

I just keep adding subheadings 😂

a fluffy cat is sitting on a wooden table and looking at the camera . ALT: a fluffy cat is sitting on a wooden table and looking at the camera .

I had many weeks off to sort my head out and now I'm not convinced I know enough words to do this silly degree.

Aaaaahh!! You are so welcome. DJ Breeze at your service

Impressive!!!