Mary

God I’m so mad it took me this long to see this. Thank you for your service 🫡

And now welcome to the stage, Ginger Rail!

The M in Mary actually stands for mediocre

Ok ya, actually that’s hilarious

New year, same gaslighting turkeys

The only thing I know for sure is I want a salad with grilled chicken

Thank god I have therapy tomorrow because I’m actually starting to get super obsessed with the cheekbone accentuation gifted to me by my weekend stomach bug

An assistant with pockets full of post-its? Lethal.

An assistant with pockets is dangerous

Crunk that soldier boy

Cranked that soldier boy

Crinked that soldier boy

Crinkled that soldier boy

Crankled that soldier boy

Crackled that soldier boy

My uncle: TV shows are not what they used to be. There is NOTHING good to watch anymore. Everything on tv is filth.

Me: Yeah, really is a shame. I simply spend my days staring at the wall and thinking. OOF 😮‍💨

two men are standing next to each other and one of them is wearing a jersey that says ato tero ALT: two men are standing next to each other and one of them is wearing a jersey that says ato tero

My upcoming paycheck knowing it’s immediately going to Christmas presents and seeing Wicked 25 more times

Today I meditated to Gustav Holst’s “The Planets” because I’m apparently trying to find out what the adult version of being shoved in a locker is.

“Every so often we long to steal to the land of what-might-have-been, but that doesn't soften the ache we feel when reality sets back in.”

Stephen Schwartz, you talented bastard

If you’re withholding cookies from me, we are not friends.

I hate a Tuesday

Please stop using the word “nurture” around me. Thanks

I hate to sound crazy, but the feeling they used to tell us was a “Jesus high” when I was a C*tholic kid going to retreats is the same feeling I get after therapy. I’m starting to wonder if maybe we just all like to be told we matter. Idk! Just a thought!

Y’all ever think about Garnier Fructis?

What does that shit even mean?

‼️BREAKING NEWS‼️:

Everyone HAS to be nice to me today.

No word yet on why this bold new decree has been made. Sources do say it’s, “In the public’s best interest. Pinky swear.” Local government officials also said if you have any further questions, please give your mom a call at 1-800-Contacts

When people who voted for that egomaniac bigot post about it, they should be thanking god that I don’t have a short fuse. Would have called a looot of people a bitch by now…publicly…several times

I am a slut for a confirmation e-mail