walruslifestyle

sam ateman tbph

sam altman has eaten a man

going to the gym with my thesaurus to get tumescent

don't judge someone's tea till you've drunk a chamomile in their shoes

friend: may 2026 be the year you--

me (interrupting): may 2026 is a month. it's not a year.

logging on to wish everyone a happy halloween

on the first day of christmas my true love gave to me
twelve full days of anxi-e-ty

one summer my family stayed at a house with no garden hose for vacation and i nearly died from dehydration

a boomerang i threw in 1997 finally came back and boy was it surprised about 2025

"making an about face"? isn't that instagram?

brainwashing sounds like it would feel really good

we'll have humble pie for dessert

"it's stew season!" i happily declare, still mad at you about that thing you said three years ago

whew, just finished arming the potato cannons for dinner

happy birthday headless horseman

bsky.app/profile/walr...

whenever i'm craving a light and healthy snack i head to the kitchen and eat my refrigerator

let's make one thing clear. this glass of water why is there so much dirt in it

the dust did nothing wrong

"i couldn't agree more" he said, agreeing more

spaceships should wear a jaunty little propeller hat that spins when they take off or when one of the astronauts does a space walk

we need a very large duck in here now

me: why are you threatening me

my throw pillow: family is forever

i never played that game "where in the world is carmen sandiego?" because the answer's right there. san diego.

me: i feel like i'm always working but i can never get ahead

my cannibal friend: i know exactly what you mean

thanks

"what do i miss most about being young? having hair!" i chuckle, running my hand over the top of my head as i stare wistfully into the empty "hairhouse", my formerly well-stocked warehouse of hair, taking up most of my property

mmm shrimp

it is true

dear goodness

me: when i was five years old i wanted to grow up to be a sponge. life with its many miseries has disabused me of this innocent dream, but i still reflect on it from time to time.

waiter: so you don't want a refill?

Back in the 90s everyone in the house shared one telephone that was attached to the wall. You could rent VHS tapes from a shop and if you didn't return them in time the worms would get you. You could smoke in restaurants and if you didn't smoke the worms would get you.