Spanky McDutcherson

I don’t want to look good in a picture I want to look stupid in real life

The age difference has always been a little weird but I can’t help it I just love my mom

Man, young James Spader could get it. (from me. I would be the one. me.)

I have opinions

[my 36 year old ass] hey mom it’s me again, just calling to ask if I should date a 28 year old? Okay love you call me back

Anytime someone has said “she ate” the she was me and the ate was a chicken leg

Need an app where I can hire a lesbian to mount a TV and, afterwards, me

My son couldn’t quite remember the phrase “how do you like them apples” and he’s been saying “How do you like those beans?” to everyone for weeks

for the record:
•fuck ICE
•may Stephen Miller return to the hell he spawned from
•solidarity with LA
•power to the people
•free Palestine

The Sin Eater Kickstarter goes LIVE in one week (okay, plus one day, whatever). It’s currently at 448 followers, and I’d love to hit 500 by launch. Please give it follow using the link below, and share/signal boost where you can!

If you’re beefing with Elmo, you’re probably on the wrong side of history.

I use the word “comfy” in a professional setting on a daily basis, no man can tame me

@alovablenerd.bsky.social happy birthday!

Sorry to decline your invitation, but the book I have assigned myself to read for my own pleasure is stressing me out.

It’s nice to let your pets know what’s on your agenda for the day. Keep them in the loop. Make them feel included.

I have done extensive research on how to love yourself while pmsing and my findings, they are troubling

Ruining our trip to Italy by yelling “more like shitaly am I right” every time my husband enters any bathroom in the country

Someone just asked me why I don’t want children while literally watching me drink a martini at 3:30pm like they’ve never heard of context clues in their life

a piece of my roomba broke off and it vacuumed it up. self sucking little freak

Talk about an early spring, bud light crop already coming in

I know it’s hard to part ways with your parents after the holidays but it’s important to let bye moms be bye moms

Me: there is no viable path out of poverty for a woman with 3 children

Society: have you read eat pray love

Kinda fucked up that the best man at a wedding isn’t the groom

Why won’t bath and body works give in and just open a bakery already

Breakfast is important that’s why I eat it for every meal

Me: Time isn’t a concept it’s an energetic being that we as a species have agreed to live with

Receptionist: your appointment was four days ago

[trying to walk through a crowd] all these normal ass fools, walking normally

Damnit did I miss the new main character?? I’m slacking

Why are the magically powerful so horny for riddles

Oh hell yes ❤️