Chumbus

don't make me have to remember that Goose and Geese are different bands, world

Hell guy checking his clipboard: Hold on. Looks like at age 8 you swore your soul to horses.

Me: What? I don't remember that.

Hell guy: Well, it counts.

Horse: Oh great, another one. Let me guess - used to be a horse-girl?

Me: Yeah but I'm not really a girl anymore -

Horse: We get that a lot.

Carmen Sandiego from Where On Earth Is Carmen Sandiego gesturing with an upturned palm. She has long black hair and her signature outfit of a big red trenchcoat, floppy red hat and black gloves. The coat is cinched in the middle and her upper body looks very square, her arms broad in the loose sleeves.

Carmen Sandiego from Where On Earth Is Carmen Sandiego standing and examining a small device while the wind blows at her back. She has long black hair and her signature outfit of a big red trenchcoat, floppy red hat and black gloves. The coat is cinched in the middle and her upper body looks very square, her arms broad in the loose sleeves.

she's so shaped

is this meant to be like, a health concern, as opposed to just a PSA for "not doing something I think is gross"?

brought to you by the National Endowment for Not Putting Too Much Stuff On Other Stuff?

who is this FOR

I like when the penis is called a "bird." Because, like, it has exactly the same degree of visual complexity as a small unremarkable bird.

If I had a girlfriend I would be so nice to her. I'm not saying I want one. Ugh. But if I did have one I'd be very nice.

"Flea-ridden" is a funny adjective. My cat is being ridden by fleas. She is the bus to them, if you could eat a little of the bus while you rode it. Which is a good idea.

Well, on the bright side, YOU are sounding really cool and normal and like someone anyone could definitely stand to be in a room with for any length of time

Guy who doesn't think Moons Over My Hammy makes sense as a concept because the sandwich has no apparent connection to Miami

Repeat after me:

I am not prettier than Josef Stalin.
I am not prettier than Donald Trump.
I am not prettier than Volodymyr Zelenskyy.
I am not prettier than Mehmed II.

But if I stand back and watch and learn,
I will be prettier than I am.

Lot of replies from people who think the concept of school is 2-3 centuries old

Androids may dream of electric sheep
But I dream of cows with human feet

beat me to Hoxha joke

So I orderd Pizza Hut (I am in a small town; I did not want Dominos or gas station) and they sent me wrong toppings so I requested a do-over so now I have 2 pizzas and one has toppings I don't like and the other you can tell was made in haste and anger. I will eventually eat both.

Is the second one Horses or Horsey Game

As a kid I'd chew on my hair and everyone acted like that was so filthy and unsanitary. But like, I wash that once a day and it barely touches anything?

His bio says "Beware of sarcasm"

Was on the phone with a customer service representative who (realizing the computer had not locked her out as she feared) exclaimed to herself "Hot dog!" and I'm thinking about making it a thing I say

Aside from that being nonsense, it wasn't even an in-joke, it was just a joke. The people now making fun of you aren't members of some in-group, they're just people with senses of humor. It's ok if you don't have one but that doesn't make everyone who does a fascist.

I have been waiting so long for the right sticker club and could not be happier with yours. Thanks for what you do.

The eternal dilemma of whether to lie to cis normies about transgender stuff (I am hurting The Community vs this shit is funny)

(Dropping bombs on you) "Stop destabilizing yourself! Stop destabilizing yourself!"

"Calling Occupants of Interplanetary Craft" by Klaatu crackles over the radio of a deep space vessel. A xenomorph cocks its head like the RCA dog.

"Hate to be this guy" I don't think you do

Hearing "Fireflies" by Owl City and making a face of stink as it occurs to me that someone has certainly had sex to this

Spooky library cleanup simulator

My old roommate had various qualities that made her hard to live with, but in retrospect the vibes on a short-haired deep-voiced T girl walking around in white men's briefs dragging an IV pole hooked up to cancer meds and smoking a cig are so untouchable

When you buy a vowel if there is more than one you should have to pay for each one. That is how trade works, bitch. Will it break you? Too bad; think carefully before you buy. This is about the game show Wheel of Fortune.