Kate Johnson

Ooh! This sounds excellent.

It sends me a great number of texts. It’s a very co-dependent vacuum cleaner.

Not as much as I worry about the vacuum cleaner.

Modern life is so weird. My vacuum cleaner just texted me to say its dust bag is full, but I’m 100 miles away and have had to text my dad to deal with it.

My vacuum cleaner *just texted me*

“Grandpa look at me I’m being cute. Grandpa! Grandpaaa! Look at meeee!”

Tomkin is a black and white cat lounging adorably but not very helpfully on a desk covered in files and paperwork. My dad’s elbow is just visible on the right hand edge of the photo.

My dad is trying to do important paperwork. Tomkin says no.

Hah, there was a lot of Les Mis on my playlist!

Yes, this was another excuse for me to draw blood. I like drawing blood 😈

Hand drawn illustration of a man and woman in Regency clothing. He’s lying on the ground, head in her lap, while she cradles his head tenderly. This is because he’s just been shot in the right arm and his shirt has been torn open at the chest and sleeve to reveal this. There’s blood everywhere. She’s very pale skinned with pale blonde hair, wearing a striped green and blue dress, blue cloak, gloves and bonnet. He is Latino, with untidy dark hair, wearing buff trousers and a formerly white shirt. Behind them are some stone ruins and a pretty pink sunrise.

Close up of his face, head cradled by her blue-gloved hand. His other hand holds hers. There’s blood smeared everywhere and a crude turtle tattoo on his upper chest.

Close up of her face, looking down at him with concern. Her blonde curls are escaping her blue and purple bonnet and she has a fine muslin fichu filing in the neckline of her dress.

Close up of his right arm, shirt torn open to reveal his bicep, which is also torn open —this time by the graze of a bullet. On his wrist you can just make out the tattoo of a swallow and some small old scars. There’s a lot of blood, cos like I said, I like drawing blood.

Having a duel over a woman without asking her opinion: it’s a bad idea, right?

Here’s some #CharacterArt from Hex & Hexability, my Regency witches romcom. Tiffany’s brother has challenged Santiago to a duel over her honour… but neither of them have actually asked Tiffany what she wants.

Oh I love the #BritAwards. It’s so fucking messy. I mean, I love a glossy rehearsed awards ceremony as much as the next girl, but I also love rockstars getting really pissed and wearing outfits that are only clothing-adjacent.

It took me a minute. Trying to remember else who was in CI, wasn’t it Reese Witherspoon, wasn’t she blonde, wait there are no blondes in that photo, that guy looks like Giles…

“I searched for Sarah Michelle Gellar and found this.”
“Yep, that’s her.”
“Are the other people her costars?”
“Yeah, definitely.”

*howls in Millennial*

I realise the intern who searched for a cast photo with SMG is too young to know, but then I realised the person supervising them probably is too 😖

A cast photo with Sarah Michelle Gellar… and Nicholas Brendon, Allyson Hannigan, Anthony Stewart Head, and Charisma Carpenter. For those of you not fans of 90s teen angst, this is the cast of Buffy the Vampire Slayer.

Aidan Turner is on the One Show talking about his new play, which is based on Dangerous Liaisons. They note that it’s had many adaptations, including Cruel Intentions, and helpfully show this photo to illustrate that version:

Given it was about 3° the other week, it’s definitely milder!

A kitchen table with four plastic trays containing a tangle of browning pitcher plants

The underside of a plant pot with roots growing out of it

The tangled roots of a pitcher plant in my hand. The rhizome is longer than my hand!

A plastic cauldron newly planted with pitchers, spiky sundews, and a nepenthes

Now it’s got a bit milder I’ve repotted the carnivores*. From a tangle of overwintered dead leaves to four neat cauldrons. Didn’t realise quite how many I had (and there’s still the seedlings outgrowing their nursery!)

*plants not cats. Cats don’t like being potted

If I hear a weird noise at night I tell them they’re welcome to do a haunting but if they fuck about with the toilet again I’m doing an exorcism.

Ooh that’s rude

Unbearable tease!

This might explain why I look so old to delivery drivers though. It’s the trauma, probably.

A spam text that says “Mum, it’s my new number”

Mum? MUM? When did I have a child?? Wait, is this why I can’t remember most of 2007???

They don’t even look at my face any more. Rude.

Delivery driver checking my age for alcohol misheard me as 1992 and looked, I have to say, a little too disbelieving.

All right, bud, you got me, it’s actually 1892 but if you’d just tilt your neck that way… lovely. Just put me down as 25 now…

Around here there’s a series of villages called the Rodings. Abbess Roding, Margaret Roding, Beauchamp Roding… they’re basically the cast of a costume drama

It was irresistible

I dunno. Sometimes it feels like just taking an axe to it. But hen later on I often can’t remember what I’ve cut, so maybe you’re right!

Fixing a book always involves adding 10k. Especially if the book is already 10k too long.

I called a village Churlish Green in my last-but-one book. IIRC I’d decided to name as many places as I could after Farrow & Ball colours.

My friend did that a couple of years ago. It took a day and a half. So maybe that’s why.