Dr011m011usc

I don't understand why everyone is so stupid but it's exhausting

making a metal horse just to name it RoboClop

I'm still waking up and dislocated my hip this morning, so had to read this twice before I realized the robber was a former pizzeria manager and not the police chief.

AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH

Damn. Gimme the crab.

Report: Fun Aunt Has To Go Away For A While

Report: Fun Aunt Has To Go Away For A While https://theonion.com/report-fun-aunt-has-to-go-away-for-a-while/

A Common Octopus (Octopus vulgaris) clinging to the side of a rock, with various sea plants around. The octopus is staring at the photographer while inking. Its orange siphon is visible on the right, and a large column of brown ink is shooting out like a geyser. The octopus has a whitish colour, with slight reddish eyes and suckers. It has its papillae raised, giving it a bumpy appearance with some much taller bumps (almost spiky, but still rounded and fleshy).

THINK FAST, INK ATTACK

🐙📷Falk Viczian Solarboot-Projekte gGmbH (www.inaturalist.ca/observations...)

An enormous ice cream sundae. Two people have set up ladders in the sundae. They are falling off the ladders because the sundae was an unsafe place to set up a ladder. The text reads: Warm weather means ladders. Set up your ladder on a firm, flat (non-ice cream) surface and make sure you have a spotter!

Set up your ladder on a firm, flat surface. Do not set up your ladder in a large ice cream sundae.

The Man-Thing 1 (872)

(Watch them completely avoid: chicken)

Now do: egg 🥚

‘Hey’ came before ‘hi,’ and ‘hi' came before ‘hello.’

‘Hi’ is most likely a variant of ‘hey.’

‘Hello’ is not related to either.

Goodbye.

Retribution, swift vengeance, eternal malice were in his whole aspect

murderers still sailed on

Watched a cement truck crush the safety cones I put back up after a bus knocked them over 🧎

umm actually, neutrality means you're choosing the side of the milk hotel

Three panel comic. Panel 1: three witches stand around a cauldron while one of them stirs. Panel 2: one of the witches adds a scoop of pre workout into the pot. Panel 3: the three witches are getting absolutely shredded in the gym.

The gap in my resumé? My best years going slowly down the drain.

blue and purple ink painting of brain scan image with half-visible words

Oh look! Some new ink brain paintings 🧪🐡🧠 artologica.etsy.com
I loooove this one, with a quote from Hildegard of Bingen

The Onion headline "Timothee Chalamet Under Fire for Dismissive Comments About Traditional Japanese Puppet Theater Form 'Bunraku'" was liked by Bernie Sanders.

Bernie... thank you

Phat. Kewl.

"TheBomb-dot-com"?

"All that AND a bag of chips"?

"Schweet!"

Parents really ate with "one day you'll understand" cause one day arrived fr.

William Shakespeare by John Taylor, edited An oil portrait of Shakespeare shown from the chest up against a deep red-brown background. He has a high, balding forehead with hair at the sides, a short beard and moustache, and dark eyes with a calm, direct gaze. He wears a black doublet with a plain white falling collar tied with a lace string, and a small gold hoop earring in his left ear. https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/William_Shakespeare#/media/File:William_Shakespeare_by_John_Taylor,_edited.jpg

Author to revive Shakespeare club after 300 years

An author is relaunching a ladies club that once revived William Shakespeare's reputation 300 years ago.

by Alice Cunningham

www.bbc.co.uk/news/article...

Shakespeare at PG:
www.gutenberg.org/ebooks/autho...

#books #literature #drama

Black Dynamite 1 (877)

CEO is gone.

Time to post some tits of main.

Sick of saving daylight every fucking year. Save YOURSELF for once, daylight.

...I'm sorry. That was harsh. Daylight has executive functioning issues and we must help it along. I am truly sorry for what I said.

USDA official: you don’t qualify for food stamps

me: oh, snap

USDA official: you can’t get SNAP, either

me: what

I should've changed that stupid lock
I should've made you leave your key
If I'd have known for just one second
You'd be back to bother me

We will not allow a religious government to prevail over there now let’s bow our heads in prayer for this sick quote from Psalms