Hamfisted Bun Vendor 🔞

I’ll bet it was! At least you’ll be in safe hands.. surgeons are amazing people, so you’ll be fine!

They all sound fabulous, thank you! I know exactly what I’m going to do with my newly formed MP.. 😈

Eek! Sounds complicated as hell, but I’m sure it’ll go well, and you’ll be bouncing around in no time! x

That’s amazing, well done! I hope the surgery goes well.. please keep me updated with how you get on! Good luck!

Ha!! And I am, thank you! Hope you’re well?

Mum thought I’d like some cheese cubes. These are the cubes. I can only assume she thinks I’ve turned into a baby gerbil. Understandable, as my whiskers are quite long.

A number of you (that number being zero) have asked what I want for Christmas. After no thought, I have no idea what I’d like, and while I don’t wish to seem ungrateful, I have made a list of things I most definitely do NOT want. Thank you for your attention to this matter.

Trump, much as it pains me to say, did a good thing in the Middle East. Getting the hostages freed and hopefully ending the genocide in Gaza deserves praise. It wouldn’t have happened without his intervention. I won’t even comment on it being a “new biginning”.. Tit!

A Trump word salad if there ever was one. I genuinely have no fucking idea WHAT he’s wittering about. Neither, I suspect, does he. Enjoy… #Trump #TrumpIsAnIdiot #TrumpIsOnTheEpsteinList

I have a positively stunning headache today. I feel like someone’s dropped a moose on my head, while simultaneously smacking me in the face with a cast iron skillet full of rancid weasel droppings. How’s your day? Don’t answer.. it’s rhetorical.. I couldn’t give a shit! 😉

That must have taken a lot of training! Train.. training? No? I’ll get my coat and leave quietly! Must have been awesome! Rather fond of Yusuf Islam as well, but Ozzy.. he was something else!

Afternoon! Muzzy head today. Feel like it’s stuck in a pelican’s bill and won’t come out. Anyone willing to come and punch a pelican in the face?

Rewrote this, as I initially thought it was a reunion gig. It wasn’t. Funny how your memory plays tricks. I could have sworn there was some significance to the ‘05 lineup of Sabbath.

Devastated.. saw Ozzy with Black Sabbath at Download 2005/Ozzfest. They were utterly electrifying, & Ozzy was one of my metal heroes. Fuck, without Sabbath there would BE no metal.. they were pioneers of the genre with Ozzy as frontman. RIP Legend x 🤘🏼

Happy Birthday Mummy Bun! 86 years young today, and ten times the energy that I have! She’s amazing for her age.. she’s an extraordinary mother, and has done so much for me, especially since my stroke.. even if she is slightly daffy, and her Bun’isms are the stuff of legend!

Thanks, I shall indeed!

This is understandable, although the difference in weight restriction should allay your concerns. One would seldom use a forklift to transport 55kg of potatoes, nor use a wheelbarrow to lift 8 palettes of broken laptops destined for the local refuse depository.

My head feels like 15 wildebeest are having a competition to see who is the loudest wildebeest in my skull, while 329 other wildebeest cheer them on in the audience.

I have an unusually large head. And a larger headache.

Ah, thanks.. where do I find it?

That’s because you sent it before the Saturday deliveries go out the window.. alligators are also treated as high priority as they keep eating the post. And the postmen.

Took a chance on a repeat of a series called Rev that’s being shown on BBC.. ended up downloading & watching all 3 seasons from iPlayer. What a delightful series & very true to life, even the absurd bits. Highly recommend if you’re in the market for some ecclesiastical comedy!

Very helpful indeed, but I do have one query. As a licensed forklift operator (yes, really.. I’m very versatile!) what’s the beef with forklifts? Have you had a bad experience with one (or several)?

Thanks SCEPTIC (see.. I can be nice!) And I’m really looking forward to the bees.. they’ll make a lovely change from the alligator that’s chewing my face!

I have to admit, I have no idea what it is! What’s it about?

Of course it is.. I should have known! Apologies for late reply., it’s been.. shite!

Definitely.. and I won’t be far behind.. 28 Days Later is one of my all time favourite films, so looking forward to this immensely!

Good lord! Also, thanks for your email.. I will reply soon!

Or it won’t. In which case I shall gnaw off one of my own legs and ram it clean up the dungchute of the nearest MP. If anyone would like to make a donation to help me out, please put a fiver in the next homeless person’s cup that you pass by. There’s always someone worse off..

Most of it stems from the Government Bill for disability welfare reform, my own personal applications, and a transition today from the old system to the new, which means five weeks of no money. So that’s something to look forward to. It’ll all work out in the end.

Apologies for the distinct lack of tweeting, swearing, and boring you shitless with endless tedious updates about my migraines. It has been an unpleasantly stressful few weeks, with depression kicking my magnificent arse even more than usual. So that’s been a treat indeed..