fightgeek

People should wear poison control labels announcing their toxic traits

The need to be seen and the horror of being seen all at the same time.

so what if moo deng shot a CEO

Cool LED headlights can i look at them with my hammer

When we want to feel fancy we practice saying Cabernet Sauvignon

birds shit, pee, & give birth thru a combined opening that’s why a birdie is called a hole-in-one i guess idk im not tiger fucken woods

I knew a guy who did 300 sit-ups a day and read poetry aloud in Harvard Square. He’s gone now. The point is, you do you.

Ma'am, do you know why I pulled you over?

I'm a legend on the Internet?

Please step out of the vehicle.

This place is like a college dormitory.

There’s always someone up.

And always someone fucked up.

Being blackmailed for how much I got in diary etiquette: no cute tiny locks or writing in code or mysterious initials, it just all sits laid out on the bed like the outfit for the first day of secrets

i pause in the middle of the street fight, only to eat a handful of candy corn and then return to fighting, noticeably more powerful

Not watching the game with the boys tonight because I get too rowdy

I hate to disappoint, I'm really good at it though

War on Christmas? Ffs i am losing a fist fight to Christmas outside a Kohl’s right now

Strange. It's not like people on social media to leap to conclusions.

A paycheck, a rent's due, and a blowing it all on the third wheel of responsibility pinball machine walk into a bar

You texted me back a thumbs up. I thought we were friends.

I walked up to an old motor home parked along the street and ordered an al pastor burrito and a Pepsi. They said "This isn't a food truck. This is where we live."

It's pretty weird getting mad at people for not being smart.

Alls I know is when I finally die it better be over something cool. Like rabies, lightning, or a tidal wave.

I don’t trust the fuckin government, mainly because I’m certain they have the magic potion to make dogs live forever, but they don’t wanna give it to us for free.

the commercial where a guy chases down a stranger's dog in a brand new Nissan suv may have influenced my behavior a little, your honor

Roll up to the club in my Temple Grandin hug machine

The people on GOLO commercials who lost weight still have a fat voice

Your bucket list includes skydiving, mine has a nationally televised fall into an orchestra pit.

WHY ARE WE HAVING A STAFF MEETING TO TALK ABOUT WHAT WE ARE GOING TO TALK ABOUT IN FUTURE STAFF MEETINGS?