🔞Love,Self.

The more I romance my body, the less I need porn.

I wasn’t joking about how much I genuinely HATE IT when people use generative ai to forge covers of awesome, human-made music.

Here is my own original song, made with MY own two hands. You won’t find another like it.
👇🏽👇🏽

I am: the secret, final boss of my life. And I’m here to stay.

The Penguin Who Chose Himself: A Lesson in Japanese Philosophy YouTube video by KODEN OBSCURE

First time I’ve seen this.

Image credits: djsunshine1998, on Pinterest

Did someone say… Chaos?

People who are disorganized avoidant are especially susceptible to narcissistic abuse.

Last Dance (Epic Remix) - The King Of Fighters 2002 YouTube video by Daniel D Harvey

Rugal Bernstein is my favorite villain of ALL time. So you can imagine how much it pissed me off that this guy used AI to remix one of Rugal’s themes.

February 10 is Rugal’s canonical birthday. Mark that date. I’ll show you what a REAL Rugal tribute sounds like.

AI slop below👇🏽👇🏽

The real me, or bust.

St. [b]Anger - St. Anger (Metallica Cover) YouTube video by Michael Shea Audio

Until the foreseeable future, I offer my prayers to St. Anger.

My mom said of the one and only girlfriend I ever had: “She’s very sweet, but you can do better than her, she isn’t as beautiful as you.”

I never agreed with that. I don’t care what a person looks like. If you are a good person, I’ll fuck you for all time.

I’m in pain. All I’ve ever wanted was to heal and be seen. But it all makes sense why I struggle to make friends and keep commitments. I unnerve people, not on purpose, but because I have unmet needs.

I want to belong without being manipulated. I want to be loved unconditionally.

The results of that attachment quiz hit me a lot harder than I realized.

“Disorganized/Fearful-Avoidant Attachment” is considered the most insecure of the attachment styles. It explains a lot.

I’m actually crying, because it hurts so much.

Stop Trying To Reinvent Yourself ► Explained With Dark Souls YouTube video by Souls Improvement

This is about it for me. Hby?

Just found out that my attachment style classified as “disorganized”.

Thanks, mom and dad.

I might write selfcest novels as I explore my autosexuality further.

I had no idea how badly I needed to realize this. It’s empowering.

The things I talk about are not unimportant, in fact they’re no less important than any post with 1K+ likes or even ZERO likes. I talk about what I like till I die. The people meant for me will come. If not here, then somewhere. But for right now, I’m actually happy being solo.

Until right now, I lowkey used to compare the validity of my posts on here to the number of “likes” that another person’s post has.

…But then I noticed that many posts have hundreds of “likes” and only have 3 comments. I guess I’m not alone.

I came here to understand myself better, and boy did I. Now, I’m looking to connect.

There’re moments when I have to reassess the quality of my follows and likes.

Nnnnope. You come first, second, and third. There’ll be other protests, just root for the protestors like George Carlin rooted for the meteor.👍🏽

As I think about it, actually, if a person reveals their capacity for nauseous behavior like that, they’re also revealing that you shouldn’t associate with them at all.

Unfollowed and muted.

(But not “blocked”, because they’re definitely reading this shit, and I’m petty like that🙂‍↕️🖕🏽.)

I’ve workshopped this one a bit more:

“Don’t be so intent on being ‘gay’ or ‘lesbian’ that you can’t have platonic acquaintances of the (apparent) opposite sex.”

Not everyone that talks with you wants you like that. Think highly of yourself, but not *that* highly; it’s toxic.

This world as it’s built today wasn’t meant for something so complete.

I’ve been looking at media that talks about #autosexuality, and GODDAM are we misunderstood and rejected, even by fellow queer folks. Pity.

There IS a difference between autosexuality and narcissism. One is healthy, the other is often born of childhood wounds.

My life has been about shifting my identity from the achievement of external goals to my own presence in the journey.

My presence allows much more space for authentic expression than those goals ever did.

Presence says, “Right now, I EXIST!!!”

Goals say, “When the lord returns, ONLY THEN WILL I…”

I look back on why I liked Dauragon C. Mikado’s last words, “The pleasure of fighting for the sake of fighting!”

Or Starro’s last words, “I was happy, floating, gazing at the stars.”

I don’t require goals, I require presence.

Remember, the “self”—the one that we fabricate to soothe ourselves, or build to protect ourselves—can die, if we want it to. It takes time, but eventually, you’ll find the human buried beneath that “self”.

When I was a “Christian”, I was a kid raised on conditional love and codependency.

My body, my thoughts, my artistry, my relationships all became a “means to an end”. A human can bury themself in any identity or cause, especially those INFLICTED upon them.

Self becomes the worst kind of cage.

Being disconnected from the validity of your own ideas can cause a disembodiment from your own artistry, your own pleasure, your own identity.

If you’ve been raised to believe your own thoughts are “wrong”, consider asking:

“Am I at my happiest when I feel connected to both my body and ideas?”