Jesse Bradley-Amore

Such a lost opportunity for drug companies advertising injectable GLP-1s not using an upbeat cover of Elliott Smith’s “Needle In The Hay”.

Why is it always abstenence-only sex education and not anal-only sex education? So many men would discover the joys of pegging early on in life instead of during your first prostste exam at 40.

My wife: [feeding our cat] here’s your surf and turf.

Me: you can also call eating someone’s ass and pussy “surf and turf”

My wife: 🙄

Nevermore: a Paramore cover band where everyone is dressed as ravens.

A cartoon of a middle aged man singing “I chimed in with a haven’t you people ever heard of saving only a buck fifty on a hot dog and soda” to the tune of Panic! At the Disco’s “I write sins not tragedies. The 2 audience members are bored.

My latest midlife crisis: a senryu

I’m starting a band
called Panic! at the Costco;
I like savings not tragedies.

#comics #costco #emo #dadjoke

I wanted the cool cyberpunk dystopia, like getting bionic arms and shit, not this current lame ass cyberpunk dystopia where we can die from measles while watching the latest porn sponsored by Polymarket.

Back in my day, we used call Fleshlights edge cases and we liked it.

My favorite thing about One Battle After Another is how it aligns the worst holiday with white supremacists.

Waiting for the inevitable Taylor Swift / Morgan Wallen duet.

I’m disappointed that The Life of a Showgirl was not a musical reimagining of the classic 1995 erotic drama Showgirls. #TaylorSwift

Poets: let’s write poems about the moon.

Hades II: let’s nuke people with the moon.

@jbradleyamore.bsky.social is coming to Philly— baby's all grown up. Go see!

Me: [Looking at my hair in the mirror] Christ, I need a haircut.

My wife: He can’t help with that.

Me: Who…oh.

My wife: *jazz hands*

Me: [after hearing my wife talk about how parents of intersex kids request surgery to make them the gender they want] Ambiguous Genitalia is my new slam poet name.

My wife: You should go back to doing poetry slam and do really cringy poems.

Me: I already did that in my 20s.

When my cat rubs his face on things, it’s adorable. When I rub my face on things at a Best Buy, they call the cops.

I stopped writing fiction because I got tired of predicting the future accurately.

I injured my hand
from playing video games; better
than from jerking off.

#poetry #poem #poetrycomics #videogames #senryu #haiku #comics #comedy #aging #middleage #middleaged #doodle #doodling #selflove #jerking #masturbation

It seems like I was running through a lot of your minds because I ran 10 miles today.

DeSantis declared today as “Hulk Hogan Day” in Florida. To celebrate, make sure to do some steroids and be casually racist. Don’t forget to end every sentence with “brother”.

Can’t wait for that inevitable Sydney Sweeney Isotoner ad where she says “hey, my heil’s are up here.”

I tried getting into a threesome with a Sith couple. They refused. The Rule of Two I guess also includes what happens in the bedroom.

My wife: Could you turn on the light?

Me: [Turns on the light]. I had to do it this way because the other way wouldn’t have worked.

My wife: What other way?

Me: [Looking at the light sexually] “You’ve been a very bad light, haven’t you?”

My wife: *shakes her head*

Pro-lifers are pro-life until a facehugger uses its proboscis to implant an embryo in them.

I get dirty looks from people when they see me wearing a KN95 mask because they think I’m ICE. I correct them by telling them what masked ICE agents really look like: a walking uncircumcised penis with an American flag foreskin tattoo.

My solo show, How I Learned (NOT) To Drive, comes to Harrisburg Fringe next week. Get your tickets at howilearnednottodrive.com.

The great thing about the Big Beautiful Bill is that we’re going to get an American version of the Diary of Anne Frank.

Ever wanted to sell your body to pay for your healthcare? Thanks to the Big Beautiful Bill, you soon can. Pay your copays by the pound and feed your fellow poors with your flesh. Mmmm Mmmm. Taste that freedom.

Listen up, queers. Pride is over. The only thing you’re allowed to be out and proud about this month is America. I better see you deep throat a glizzy without gagging while a bald eagle watches in a cuck chair made in the USA.

I thought we already had an Alligator Alcatraz in Florida. It’s called Gatorland.

If I was playing a drinking game based on the “um’s” and “utilized” said in this all hands meeting I’m in, I would be as dead as Dylan Thomas.