Andrew Hastings 💣

When there’s a girl in groupchat

I think Scottish people are faking it

Dudes when they bust too quick

How roast battle comedians feel when they call someone fat and/or gay

When you get a cool new hat to wear to the big event but then you get there and you’re a little worried people will make fun of it

There’s a video I keep seeing with a caption like “Australian Culture” or something and it’s a guy doing a super obvious shitty parody of The Chats, but The Chats are already doing a funny play on Australian culture, so what the fuck are we even doing here?

The truth is out there

Smoking in the VIP Section and telling security i'm allowed to because I have a Dartist Pass

Watching your mum leave for work after you told her you were “too sick for school”

Found this old photo of me at under 16s footy training

I'm pro-choice but for the wrong reasons.
I just really hate midwives.

jb hi fi are selling plain black tees. For the love of god go down and buy something off them, they’re in shambles

Midwife? I think she’s beautiful!

Last minute gift idea? (Link in bio)

This is what happens to you when you try do a musical about a breakdancer

More like Craig IvanMilat am I right?

Calling in sick to work because Eminem’s mum died

Manosphere podcaster getting confused and asking one of the guys who killed bin laden if his boyfriend is angry that he makes more money than him doing onlyfans

2 different IT guys from 2 different companies both remote controlling my laptop right now, both absolutely just saw “Vince McMahon Theme Song Lyrics” in my recent search history

Hey if Zelda is a descendant of other Zeldas and Link is a descendant of other Links doesn’t that make them cousins?

Tom Waits makes music for hanging out with the fellas in a Zelda dungeon

You guys hear about this band The Beatles? They're pretty good, kind of like the Blink-182 of Britpop I guess?

Having 6 beers, downloading Echoes of Wisdom and realising some stuff about myself

Going “Joker Mode” (laugh reacting when she puts a photo of another dude on her story)

If there’s a bar tab for comedians I should be allowed to put my share of it on the pokies

An indication of the desperation to get off the other one