"Two eggs, any style"
Okay how about Gangnam?
11.03.2026 02:37
👍 5
🔁 1
💬 1
📌 0
[restaurant]
Me: waiter, what kind of choy is this
Waiter (who is a chicken): bok
10.08.2024 19:12
👍 104
🔁 18
💬 3
📌 1
I know this isn't the time for jokes, but also it is precisely the time for jokes
03.03.2026 05:31
👍 309
🔁 92
💬 8
📌 1
(picking up a can of chili at the store) well i'll be... those Hormel boys actually pulled it off
29.08.2023 23:48
👍 487
🔁 60
💬 2
📌 2
Me: It’s so satisfying when you crunch fresh ice. 🤤
All of the passengers aboard me in 1912: …
08.03.2026 09:55
👍 7
🔁 2
💬 0
📌 0
I was today years old when I found out that I’m terribly unoriginal
04.03.2026 09:00
👍 13
🔁 4
💬 1
📌 1
News program screen cap: move over Xanax, here comes LSD
when it’s time adjust my medication again—
04.03.2026 10:31
👍 171
🔁 26
💬 1
📌 2
🎶 Retractable Penis
[King Missile voice]
04.03.2026 08:31
👍 24
🔁 3
💬 1
📌 0
🎼YUM
04.03.2026 08:28
👍 2
🔁 0
💬 0
📌 0
Pleased to report that I have, just recently, imagined all the people.
22.05.2025 03:16
👍 172
🔁 33
💬 11
📌 1
ME: oh, you just let everyone touch you, don’t you? some of us have standards, you know
GRASS:
02.03.2026 04:41
👍 160
🔁 45
💬 5
📌 0
"Meet the new Boss! Same as the old Boss!"
- Roger Daltrey, after cloning Bruce Springsteen
03.03.2026 22:50
👍 31
🔁 6
💬 0
📌 0
Just ordered a nothingburger with everything on it
27.02.2026 23:18
👍 34
🔁 9
💬 5
📌 0
When I'm casually making tacos, I add nonchalantro
03.03.2026 04:14
👍 18
🔁 4
💬 0
📌 0
"Your finest Scotch, please."
"Yes, sir," the guy at Staples says as he hands me a 12 year old roll of tape.
26.02.2026 18:40
👍 191
🔁 43
💬 2
📌 2
I knew I should've copied that one over to BlueSky. 😎
26.02.2026 18:39
👍 2
🔁 0
💬 1
📌 0
pigeon: (n.) the distance a pig travels in one eon
04.07.2023 18:33
👍 195
🔁 46
💬 3
📌 1
Turned on the exhaust fan and immediately started yawning
25.02.2026 21:09
👍 10
🔁 3
💬 0
📌 0
why do nerds
suddenly appear
every time
I post here
25.02.2026 19:45
👍 3417
🔁 416
💬 130
📌 26
Hi!
25.02.2026 22:23
👍 2
🔁 0
💬 0
📌 0
PAGLIACCI: My name's Pagliacci and I'm here to say, my mood's affecting work in a terrible way
DOC: My friend, don't fret, don't wear that frown. I hear there's a wonderful performer in town
PAGLIACCI: Doc, are you listening? That performer is me, and I'm having trouble doing it with anxiety
24.02.2026 15:59
👍 31
🔁 4
💬 0
📌 0
Hey, nice, I'm in this. 💚
25.02.2026 08:05
👍 23
🔁 1
💬 0
📌 0
I cut Mario off in traffic and he threw a green shell into my face. everything tastes like sour cream and onion now. broke two vertebrae
01.01.2026 04:43
👍 45
🔁 9
💬 0
📌 1
a comet is just a
rock on vacation
23.02.2026 17:35
👍 27
🔁 8
💬 1
📌 0
ME: Hey, what condiment is that?
FRIEND: Soy sauce.
ME: Sauce, ¿qué condimento es eso?
23.02.2026 04:39
👍 232
🔁 51
💬 4
📌 3
HOW CAN I BUILD A BEAR I’M NOT GOD
11.07.2025 01:20
👍 517
🔁 159
💬 18
📌 7
I was terrified of apes for YEARS after my dad took me to see this movie (he was mauled to death by a gibbon in the AMC parking lot)
19.02.2026 22:43
👍 116
🔁 18
💬 5
📌 2
I will never forgive Elon Musk for ruining twitter, a website I used to hate but now hate even more
20.02.2026 13:26
👍 153
🔁 17
💬 3
📌 0
"A tariff on both your Houses," says the demented old man, lashing out at the wrong branch of government.
20.02.2026 20:54
👍 21
🔁 5
💬 1
📌 0
windows pcs are generally for casual users who mostly use it for web browsing and maybe a little gaming. linux is nearly identical except there's no keyboard. macs are for hardcore experts and professionals who take on the toughest tasks, such as drawing three-dimensional rectangles and squares
20.02.2026 20:55
👍 3543
🔁 572
💬 0
📌 0
