Is there anything ruder than flying over your home 5 minutes before landing and then having to take a
1 hour uber to get back? There must be a better way. We must normalize parachuting out of commercial flights.
Nothing brings out my inner squirrel more than a cross country flight. Eating a little snack. Stockpiling extra in my pockets for later. Sipping water from a tiny cup. Living life
I just left. Devastating.
Eyyy! Thank you for the shout out, Jason!
Misery… but we LOVE Company!!!
People with 100k followers love to post a picture of a drink you’ve never heard of with a caption like “Thanks for the swag, @ButtWater!”
LETTERMAN: It was hot out today, wasn’t it? It was so hot, Pam Bondi was fanning herself with the Epstein List. (applause) Paul - you’re not on the Epstein List, are you, Paul?
PAUL: Not on it! Swear to God!
L: Oh that’s good. And kids at home - I know it may seem cool - DO NOT get on that list.
TikTok has really lost its charm
Yesterday I tried to by non-alcoholic beer at self checkout and unfortunately sirens went off and I am in jail now
I changed my Siri to Australian male, and the himbo energy it’s giving is :chefs kiss:
we’re gonna be okay guys
Can you imagine if someone played the music from interstellar on a piano? Wow
I said what I said
If I die from bird flu please show this on the news
Frankly embarrassed for the pigeon who shit all over my balcony and didn’t have the decency to leave a note
Hey guys I work in Hollywood California and have been trying to come up with a title for the Nosferatu sequel for WEEKS now but can’t think of anything, anyone have any ideas???? In case it’s helpful, this would be just like the movie Nosferatu, but it would be the 2nd one
Thought these were song lyrics at first
Big year for McDonald’s
Help, I’ve become Titanic-level obsessed with #Wicked, and we all know how this ended the last time
[with me realizing I was gay and then developing a severe lactose intolerance that lasted 14 yrs until I came out of the closet at which point it went away overnight haha anxiety is crazy man]
No one mourns the wicked
If you ask Siri how to change her voice, she’ll tell you - but if you ask *her* to do it, she says “I’m sorry, I don’t understand.” Boundary-setting QUEEN!!!
Ah yes, the perfect seasonal watch face to match that mid-November mood
