Colin McGowan

Trump scrawling GIANT STRAW?? on a notepad as Pete Hegseth talks strategy. He could've banged Kathy Ireland, definitely. Is that map of Iran sideways? Maybe some kind of giant straw would work for the oil. He should write that down.

Alright, hold on, what if we—you know when they hang nets from helicopters?—what if we put oil barrels in the nets and flew them to wherever they need to go?

Donald John Trump (born June 14, 1946) is an American politician, media personality, businessman, and radical environmentalist who is the 47th president of the United States.

We're enacting, through a somewhat oblique approach, a more ambitious version of the Green New Deal. Now the whole world's gotta figure out an oil-free economy.

What they do down on the Strait of Hormuz, Chuck?

My stoner comedy about god and capitalism in the American west, There Will Be Bud, isn’t going so hot. Daniel Day Lewis is perpetually gone off Cadillac Rainbowz, can’t remember any of his lines.

I know nothing about making cocktails. I drink beer and G&Ts at home, and let the pros make anything else. But I do appreciate this insight.

I've never been cooler or more fully realized than when I was swishing straight vodka around in a 7up bottle, chain-smoking Parliaments at Loyola's Ashtray. I am pure id, when you get right down to it. But, sir, I am at a restaurant. Kindly disguise the drug.

I could make $200k/yr and never become a martini guy. I try every once in a while. I just feel like I'm drinking gin/vodka and water. And I've already had that experience. It's called being eighteen.

The local Jewel and Whole Foods source from Gotham and Meyer. Had low supply for a while. My other small biz local is flush with it; I assume their basil is from California or Mexico.

I got bros at Injustice Watch, know they do heroic work. Appreciate the additional guidance!

I've experienced the same. The cilantro marries with other Pizza Flavors well, though? Maybe I'll try that out on my next pie.

You got a voter guide or ticket that you like? I've been struggling with some of the low-profile seats on my mail-in ballot.

Brian Keefe: We gotta stop Bam. This is embarrassing.

Wizards: Foul him every time, got it.

Most guys who say "do I look like a cop?" in movies look exactly like cops.

A lot of people wanted Giuliani to reduce Boot Camp Clik but they didn't understand that, at the time, BCC funding ran through the governor's office.

Uh-oh, Spurs are doing the thing where they've accidentally fielded 11 Richie Tenenbaums.

March Madness is when I learn exactly two or three things about Western Tennessee A&M and start having very strong opinions about their guard rotation.

If any studio wanted to revive them, the good character actors that made the movies interesting would be cheaper now. They're feeding on HBO checks.

If you ever get there, please show the rest of us the way.

One man will set this right. (I'm going to get kicked out of a lot of bars.)

When the weather warms, my partner and I go down to this ancient, kind of overpriced steak and chop joint on the Chicago River. Order a couple filets, some drinks. Watch the people and the water. Imagine we won't do it for a little while—this is a blip, not true spring—but I look forward to it.

David, thank you.

["A Milli" voice:] Khamenei, Khamenei,

The newly installed TVs at the dispensary play the most dystopian ads for edibles. A woman with a tight, professional ponytail taking one type to work, another to watch TV, another to sleep. The next ad depicts a blissed out guy living inside a house-sized gummy. I like weed but my god.

This is changing, I hope, but growing up in a whitebread small town in the 90s and 00s, politics was Those Clowns in Washington, Tim Russert-core horse race bullshit, and school board meetings as Thunderdome combat.

I think one of the American ruling class's greatest achievements is convincing lots of people that politics is silly and crass and the government is mostly apart from them, something to grumble about when they hit a pothole, rather than a machine that turns taxes into executive bonuses and death.

Upon a second viewing, that Evil Does Not Exist ending still doesn't work for me. Feels goofy and jarring and contrived. Real shame because the rest of the movie is masterful.

[A blood-spattered Michael Meyers stalks the neighborhood, leaving a trail of dead citizens in his wake]

[A NYT columnist who majored in Homework:] So, this presents a really interesting conundrum for the Haddonfield Police Department because technically...