Michael E. Cohen

That’s true: only Trump can shit his own pants!!

I find your fascination with the sexual displays of various flora delightful.😁

What if we just split the difference, set our clocks back half an hour (now that DST has begun), and be done with this biannual clock-setting BS for good.

The President reaffirmed his commitment to the environment today by recycling Kristi Noem: he removed her as the Secretary heading Homeland Security but installed her as a “special envoy of a Western Hemisphere security initiative called the ‘Shield of the Americas.’”

Not so much contempt as disappointment.

Today the President’s vaunted Board of Peace is riddled with termites, carpenter ants, and knotholes.

Goodness, no! Why should the tar pit suffer? Besides, burning them would contribute to global warming. An extremely slow, painful, but ecologically friendly demise is more appropriate, after which their remains should be composted.

Sexually assaulting underage girls wasn’t enough. Now he’s dropped bombs on a girls’ elementary school. What a vile, sick, disgusting excuse for a man…

“West L.A. Story” by T.S. Eliot
We shall not cease from exploration and the end of all our exploring will be to arrive where we started and know the place for the first time…but then spend another half an hour looking for parking.

✋🏼

His mother must be so proud.

Autocorrect on my iPad insists that the 1971 quake in southern California took place in “Silmarillion” instead of “Sylmar.”

It’s always sad when you look at the calendar and see that it’s the birthday of a friend or relative who is now deceased.

“Incontinent tonight, huh?”

Stephen Miller?!

On this Groundhog’s Day, Punxsutawney Phil saw not only his shadow, but 10 masked and armed ICE agents, who immediately surrounded him, doused him with pepper spray, handcuffed him, and shipped him off to a detention center in Louisiana.

Punxsutawney Phil predicts 6 more weeks of winter and 3 more years of Trump, and, cold as it is across most of the country, I’m hoping Phil has swapped the durations.

Apple Propelled to Record Q1 2026 Financials by iPhone and Services - TidBITS With its devices and services bringing in over $140 billion in revenue, its earnings per share rising nearly 20% year over year, and the announced return of Ted Lasso to Apple TV, Apple has a lot to c...

My career as a very occasional tech industry financial reporter continues, as Adam Engst and I summarize Apple’s recent quarterly report:

tidbits.com/2026/01/30/a...

You know when you’ve been smoking too much pot when you seriously consider buying a ticket to see “Melania.”

We are now 40 days beyond the statutory deadline for the full release of the Epstein files

Headline reading “What Does a Healthy Vagina Smell Like?”

Apple News asks the important questions of the day:

I am worried about how ICE plans to commemorate Holocaust Remembrance Day today.

Let us not forget the Epstein files. We are still waiting.

I use the library all the time, reading several books a week, and have never folded a page or cracked a spine…of course, I only borrow ebooks…😉

From NBC News:
“The U.S. has carried out what it called ‘large-scale strikes’ against ISIS in Syria, U.S. Central Command announced Saturday afternoon.
The strikes […] were part of Operation Hawkeye Strike, which […] was ordered by President Donald Trump on Dec. 19”

The Peace Prize President!

So ICE is now murdering US citizens who are obeying their orders. I feel much safer now.

42=the number of years by which Orwell was off.

A flying saucer hovering over Santa Monica Pier.

Santa Monica’s attempts to increase tourism numbers seems to be succeeding…

Is 2026 over yet?!

(Asking for a friend…well, me, actually.)

I live between two butt cheeks. AITAH?