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Alan Orloff

@alanorloff

Cheesephobic. Regular guy. Also award-winning crime fiction writer.

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08.11.2024
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Latest posts by Alan Orloff @alanorloff

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12.03.2026 15:27 πŸ‘ 0 πŸ” 0 πŸ’¬ 0 πŸ“Œ 0
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Thanks to the sublime, effervescent, and inimitable @catrionamcp.bsky.social for the very perspicacious blurb!

11.03.2026 15:25 πŸ‘ 1 πŸ” 2 πŸ’¬ 0 πŸ“Œ 1

I’m chuffed to be on The Bookish Hour Podcast at Malice Domestic along with superstars @donnaandrews.bsky.social and @hankphillippiryan.bsky.social, hosted by dynamic duo Sarah Burr and @jckenney.bsky.social (Sat. April 25 at 10 am). I’ve been told I have a face that’s perfect for podcasts, so…

10.03.2026 15:43 πŸ‘ 4 πŸ” 2 πŸ’¬ 0 πŸ“Œ 0

My oven says it's 8 o'clock. My phone says it's 9 o'clock. My watch says it's 10 o'clock. Does anybody really know what time it is? Does anyone really care?

08.03.2026 13:40 πŸ‘ 3 πŸ” 0 πŸ’¬ 1 πŸ“Œ 0

Dear Alan,
Please go with the flow.
Best,
Alan

07.03.2026 18:46 πŸ‘ 1 πŸ” 0 πŸ’¬ 0 πŸ“Œ 0
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This is one of the sensors for my garage door. As you can tell, I’m all about precise, hi-tech solutions. Yes, those are folded pieces of card stock held together by twisty-ties and a Velcro strap to maintain alignment.

06.03.2026 14:45 πŸ‘ 3 πŸ” 0 πŸ’¬ 0 πŸ“Œ 0

There’s a weirdo in my neighborhood who puts mustard on his rice.

05.03.2026 16:51 πŸ‘ 1 πŸ” 0 πŸ’¬ 0 πŸ“Œ 0

I wonder how many legit get-rich-quick schemes I’m missing out on by deleting every text, email, and voicemail message from somebody I don’t recognize.

02.03.2026 18:08 πŸ‘ 3 πŸ” 0 πŸ’¬ 0 πŸ“Œ 0

The advances in technology over the past fifty years have been unfathomable. So why does my new electric razor work as poorly as the one I used when I was a teenager?

26.02.2026 16:58 πŸ‘ 0 πŸ” 0 πŸ’¬ 0 πŸ“Œ 0

Three things I’ve never done (that many others have): eaten at Cheesecake Factory, watched an episode of Survivor, smoked a cigarette.

25.02.2026 16:17 πŸ‘ 1 πŸ” 0 πŸ’¬ 0 πŸ“Œ 0

Yay, Rikki!

24.02.2026 17:28 πŸ‘ 1 πŸ” 1 πŸ’¬ 0 πŸ“Œ 0

I think judgmental people are real jerks.

23.02.2026 16:17 πŸ‘ 2 πŸ” 0 πŸ’¬ 1 πŸ“Œ 0

USA!

22.02.2026 15:54 πŸ‘ 1 πŸ” 0 πŸ’¬ 0 πŸ“Œ 0

What's the most interesting/unusual thing that happened to you this week, so far?

20.02.2026 18:29 πŸ‘ 0 πŸ” 0 πŸ’¬ 0 πŸ“Œ 0

Pro Tip: Wait until your electric toothbrush is in your mouth before you turn it on.

19.02.2026 15:55 πŸ‘ 4 πŸ” 0 πŸ’¬ 0 πŸ“Œ 0
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COVER REVEAL! Coming April 2, it’s THE FAMILY BIZ, about a dysfunctional family of con artists working on their *last* job together. (If you inhale deeply, you can get a whiff of that new cover smell!) From Level Best Books!

18.02.2026 16:59 πŸ‘ 7 πŸ” 4 πŸ’¬ 0 πŸ“Œ 0

My emoji game is hurting. I can generally tell if one is positive or negative, and I know what eggplant and chocolate soft-serve mean, but beyond thatβ€¦πŸ˜΅β€πŸ’«

17.02.2026 16:04 πŸ‘ 1 πŸ” 0 πŸ’¬ 0 πŸ“Œ 0
Amazon.com

Congrats to anthology editor John Shepphird for SERVING up the recent release of TENNIS NOIR (Level Best Books)! Such a SET of writing ACES! You’re gonna LOVE this oneβ€”it’s right up your ALLEY! A real SMASH! Don’t LET this one get by you!

16.02.2026 18:39 πŸ‘ 1 πŸ” 0 πŸ’¬ 0 πŸ“Œ 0

I’m particular about my bananas.

15.02.2026 21:38 πŸ‘ 2 πŸ” 0 πŸ’¬ 0 πŸ“Œ 0
Preview
Hollywood Kills: A Crime Fiction Anthology Amazon.com: Hollywood Kills: A Crime Fiction Anthology eBook : Meyer, Adam, Orloff, Alan: Kindle Store

SUPER CONGRATS to @magmn.bsky.social for having his awesome HOLLYWOOD KILLS story, "The Second Act Twist," selected for THE BEST MYSTERY STORIES OF THE YEAR 2026! Way to go, Matt!

13.02.2026 17:04 πŸ‘ 3 πŸ” 0 πŸ’¬ 0 πŸ“Œ 0
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This fence is made of iron(y).

12.02.2026 16:05 πŸ‘ 2 πŸ” 0 πŸ’¬ 0 πŸ“Œ 0
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New business cards! These highlight my two horror/thrillers coming out in 2027 from @rowanprosepub.bsky.social: DARK SPRINGS and THE TASTE. I’ll be handing them out at StokerCon! (The cards, not the books.) From GotPrint.com!

11.02.2026 16:08 πŸ‘ 5 πŸ” 3 πŸ’¬ 0 πŸ“Œ 0
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It's not a sea turtle. It's a path turtle.

10.02.2026 15:23 πŸ‘ 15 πŸ” 1 πŸ’¬ 0 πŸ“Œ 0

Are the first four palm trees, palm trees, palm trees, and warm weather?

09.02.2026 16:27 πŸ‘ 0 πŸ” 0 πŸ’¬ 1 πŸ“Œ 0

I’ve been β€œselected” to receive a five-dollar reward from my local grocery store chain (Publix, which I dislike). All I have to do is spend $175 before the end of the month.

09.02.2026 15:18 πŸ‘ 1 πŸ” 0 πŸ’¬ 1 πŸ“Œ 0

Today’s Big Game menu: veggie chili, corn bread, guacamole, and chips (corn and tortilla). Seems kinda meager, huh? Maybe we should add a dish made with my New Healthy Food of 2026β€”sardines. Suggestions?

08.02.2026 19:06 πŸ‘ 2 πŸ” 0 πŸ’¬ 0 πŸ“Œ 0

Just "Reacher."

07.02.2026 18:10 πŸ‘ 2 πŸ” 0 πŸ’¬ 0 πŸ“Œ 0

The other day I helped a lady at the store get something down from a high shelf. I guess you can call me…Reacher. Unless that’s been taken, of course.

07.02.2026 17:11 πŸ‘ 5 πŸ” 1 πŸ’¬ 1 πŸ“Œ 0

Ah, the pitter patter of little feet. Around here, that means it’s time to call pest control!

06.02.2026 16:25 πŸ‘ 2 πŸ” 0 πŸ’¬ 0 πŸ“Œ 0

We got our renewed passports yesterday. Now, where should we go?

05.02.2026 16:59 πŸ‘ 0 πŸ” 0 πŸ’¬ 0 πŸ“Œ 0