SENSEI: You can either learn karate or be a fuckboi. You can't do both.
ME: *flicks my feather earring* We'll see about that, Stephen.
07.04.2025 11:24
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SENSEI: You can either learn karate or be a fuckboi. You can't do both.
ME: *flicks my feather earring* We'll see about that, Stephen.
[asking a friend if she caught the impressionist composer premiere his work, “La Mer”]
“Deb, you see Debussy debut Sea?”
My favorite thing about Elon Musk is that he proves money can't buy happiness. Or class, intelligence, friendship, love, purpose, grace, a sense of humor, a clue, taste, likability, expertise, empathy, enlightenment, compassion, respect, morals or whatever is the opposite of profound creepiness
Bluesky Funnies 2025-03-22
In times like these, we need to laugh even more. Here's a sampling of chuckles, chortles, and LOLs I've found on Bluesky over the past week. Give these folks a follow for more.
I bet there's a lot of "family values" Cubans out there who voted for Trump and figured they would be spared this because (a) they were loyal to Trump, and (b) Cubans are escaping Communism, so they "belong" in the U.S.
But the rules are: If you're brown and/or don't speak English, you're out.
2025 Weeknote 11 : 80% of success is showing up
My “weeknotes” capture events, thoughts, and other items from the past week, mostly focused on work. Learn more about the weeknotes concept here. March 10 - 16 I am updating the format a little this week, separating out professional notes from…
Look my guy, when you take yourself that seriously, no one is going to take you seriously. Have a donut, maybe fart during your next yoga class whatever it takes
There once was a town called Nantucket
It was at the top of my list bucket
Then the US went bad
Very bad, very sad
I ain’t goin’ there, ever. Fuck it.
Masturbation was invented when a guy noticed some dirt on his dick and started to rub it off but then was like, whoa what's this
Ah! That's where "clean and jerk" came from.
Or came onto? I'm just learning English.
Sure, defund Habitat for Humanity. I mean, we can't even figure out what they do for humanity. It's a mystery.
In honor of the Ides of March, I'm having a He Who Shall Not Be Named Salad
Bluesky Funnies 2025-03-15
In times like these, we need to laugh even more. Here's a sampling of chuckles, chortles, and LOLs I've found on Bluesky over the past week. Give these folks a follow for more.
me: another day another dollar
coworker: haha you said it
boss: *pulls me aside* it’s against policy to disclose your salary
There's a gang Cold War in progress at my grocery store
River Side Casino doesn’t have a DEI policy. Everyone who works here ran out of options.
To whoever Yelped that the cafe prices are too high and they want to see the manager caged, we use the zoo friendly euphemism, “safely housed.”
You would like to see the cafe manager safely housed.
Charles Dickens at a dinner party?
CD: "It was the best of turducken, it was the worst of turducken."
ME: "Heh. Yeah. Good one."
CD: "Please sir, may I 'ave some more?"
ME: "Riiight."
CD: "You should be cooking with... David Copperclad pots, my good man!"
ME: 😒
when someone is being an asshole always try to be the bigger person. it’s easier to beat someone up if you’re bigger than them
Did some grunt work today (worked on my grunt)
Oh you wanna "spend time with your children" so they can " feel a sense of belonging"? OK loser
Me: Buys a refrigerator
Targeted ads forever: THIS GUY FUCKING LOVES REFRIGERATORS
A lettuce farm was busted by the FDA on suspicion
of combining plant and human DNA to create
a new protein hybrid.
When they dug up
the grounds they found human romaines.
Coming soon:
Finally finished building a 12-mile-long plastic tube so my hamster can visit me at work
Bluesky Funnies 2025-03-08
In times like these, you need to laugh even more. Here's a sampling of the chuckles, chortles, and LOLs I've found on Bluesky over the past week. Give these folks a follow for more.
That was it. That was the sound of my last nerve snapping.