becky - a tortured poet

small list of probably $100 or less but after $3k surgery it’s $100 too much 😅

Dwight’s Surgery Recovery | Amazon Gift List

no pressure, obviously! i’m just trying to be better at asking for help.

www.amazon.com/registries/g...

my sweet pup comes home from surgery today. he has a long road to recovery and some pretty significant changes to his day to day even after recovery.

i put together a small registry of a few things. if any friends or family or pet owners want to help 🫶🏻

it is remarkably easier to clean with no pets around. id rather he was with me. but i just made my bed faster than i have in years.

he’ll be back tomorrow and have a fresh and clean room to heal in 😍

i’m relieve and worried and also thankful that the vigilance can be handed off to medical professionals for the night and i can rest and be with my fam.

he had to have two incisions. they don’t know what it was that was blocking him up exactly. but they got it!

he’ll be there overnight for monitoring. he’s expected to be fine but next 24-48 hours are important.

thank you for this 😭😭 he and i survived so much together. including sleeping in my car when home in DC wasn’t safe. my attachment is probably unhealthy but im just a wreck over it all.

and i just have to hope he doesn’t get worse in the next 12 hours. it’s just too much.

but saying im worried about my sick dog feels so silly and trivial.

but even they have Other Things.

my mom is dealing with some of the heaviest parts of this administration’s ICE policies directly.

my dad is home sick and also now has to help me cover a $3k vet bill.

and i’m just here watching this little dog i love so much lose all his energy

it is emotionally devastating to be single during a crisis.

talking to anyone about the health of my dog who needs emergent surgery tomorrow feels so trivial. i just want a person who can help me hold this.

i’m thankful for my parents. i wouldn’t survive this without them.

perimenopause is kicking my ass bc let me tell you. i’m going from chill to so enraged i want to scream and cry and punch something and it can be triggered by someone putting the tv at volume 12 instead of 11 and now i don’t want to live in my own skin

just something i want to put out into the universe in hopes someone has a little extra.

love these girls to death. they have been my besties through some dark ass times. we’ve trudged through many valleys together.

i’d very much like to enjoy a mountaintop moment with them.

if anyone has airline miles or some other sort of travel voucher they might be so inclined to donate to the cause, i would be so grateful.

this feels incredibly frivolous to be asking for. indulgent and selfish. but i still want to try. please know this is not an emergency by any means.

but the problem is money. getting to both atlanta and north carolina from connecticut is pricey. especially so close together.

i’ve tried picking up jobs here and there and selling things i find but i just don’t have the $$$

ok. i know this is a bit of a long shot. but this is the place i feel most of my twitter friends are. so here’s a go at asking for help.

@kaylajohnson.bsky.social and @workingmomvibes.bsky.social are getting married this summer and as two of my closest friends, i want to be there to support them

thank you so much ! it’s so much more complex than i expected. it’s overwhelming

hindsight also helps you see alllllll the ways something manifested unnoticed before.

i’m safe. i’m getting a handle on it. but this is the most mentally beat down and exhausted i have been since i was in the thick of the abuse 3 years ago.

i’m wrecked.

contamination isn’t the strongest one for me. and i don’t have the best handle on cleanliness. it’s mostly other compulsions/thoughts

i honestly think living with and treating this is one of the hardest things i have ever done.

like my physical disabilities are easier to navigate. i’m so tired.

recently got an official OCD diagnosis.

i’ve suspected for a few years. based on some of the compulsions and behaviors i had in high control religion.

and then after a traumatic event i had a strong contamination OCD trauma response that just kinda kicked the switch all the way on - so to speak.

david. put it back.

unfortunately for anyone i know… i have just discovered ethel cain and im about to make it everyone’s problem.

what is in this music. i am fundamentally changed.

beth moore 🙃

and can’t manage to post something more clear than “im not pro trump” that is the same harmful shit you spent 1,045 words saying you “survived”

a prominent evangelical voice posted an approximately 1,050 word statement on X today where she ended it by saying she “isn’t pro trump”

sorry ! but if you find the need to be that verbose, include a list of things you are “pro” that equate to some pretty standard christian bigotry

the carpathia and the heat of mercy

they want us to feel like we can’t fight this. but the thing about humanity is that we always have.

soliloquiesandsonnets.substack.com/p/two-days-o...

maybe i’ve already lived all my best days

and maybe that’s actually ok.

soliloquiesandsonnets.substack.com/p/i-already-...

charles 😭😭 this honestly will mean so much to her. and does to me too. thank you 💜 hope you and the family are well!

thank you 💜 they have good protections in place but every sunday night i just feel heavy with dread of what the pressure cooker of this administration is going to cause

bc the horrors are really happening to other people. so who am i to say im worried about a possibility.

but i just am. im afraid. and im angry. and i’m just exhausted.

and i don’t know where to put this heaviness i carry

this fear and anxiety.

my brother also works a job that could put him in the way. less directly than my mom. but not an absent threat.

i was unprepared for the visceral reaction to watching, in real time, the events i fear for my mom & brother