Every day there’s at least one story that makes me say “this can’t be true” This is today’s. 🤦🏻‍♀️

😘😘

While I am stewing about what happened to Zelensky, I can easily fill out this Heritage Foundation form to fuck up their day…

You can too.
secured.heritage.org/the-heritage...

Man Recreates Scene From The Wedding Singer and Proposes Mid-Flight open.substack.com/pub/genogeno...

Enter the year you turned 10ish into the gif bar and see what was popular back then…

It's really nice outside. Lots of people out walking their phones.

Last meeting of the year done ✅

Don’t come at me with your last minute bullshit

Love this ❤️

Imagine going to a job interview and telling your potential employer that if you get the job you'll stop drinking.

Welcome to the 3-week “Let’s cram everything in that we have been putting off all year”.

All I know is I worked 2 days this week and I’ve never been so happy.

So let me get this straight.

If you apply for a job at a grocery store, you have to undergo a background check.

But, if you apply to be Director of National Intelligence, you don't?

Got it.

Has anybody tried putting cool little prizes inside boxes of *healthy* food? Like I’m not saying I definitely for sure would eat quinoa five days in a row just to get a free decoder ring…but I’m not saying I definitely for sure wouldn’t either.

a baseball player for the new york yankees is standing on the field talking to another player . ALT: a baseball player for the new york yankees is standing on the field talking to another player .

Today would be a great to to sign this guy. Let’s get this done Yankees.

I feel like we all just picked Bluesky and didn’t even give MILF Messenger a chance

a cartoon of spongebob with the words " i 'll circle back " ALT: a cartoon of spongebob with the words " i 'll circle back "

From now until Christmas, there are 2 kinds of people:

1 - Circle back after the holidays people

2 - Let’s get EVERYTHING done before the holidays people

Guess which one I am

I know BlueSky is on to something because all the worst people you know are raging against it

I don’t think I’m in any starter packs yet, but here is mine. Some really great folks. ❤️https://go.bsky.app/Ef8y4JF

Monday should be Second Sunday and the work week should start on Tuesday.

Classic.

Yes!

I’m too tired to come up with anything witty, so here’s a picture of me looking at the full moon