Cavin Eggleston

They say an elephant never forgets, but Republicans forgot to release the Epstein files.

People that'll proudly fly the Confederate flag seem to really hate folks not respecting the American flag...

Ugh, nothing like having to find a social media platform that none of my family follows me on to post these fire divorce jokes I have.

Sure, Mother's Day is Sunday. But, Mami's Day is every day when you think about Rhea Ripley.

I wish I could email bookers and clubs with the confidence that some people send government secrets to the group chat.

Remember, it's not a champagne tariff unless it comes from the champagne region of France, otherwise it's just a sparkling unnecessary trade war.

I hope he sits on his username every time he uses the bathroom.

The movie "Hackers" was right about one thing, these techbros will always pick the dumbest names.

Y'all mad about transgender mice acting like Bugs Bunny in a dress couldn't get it.

So cool to see the dude that pardoned insurrectionists being real concerned about illegal protests on colleges.

I was recently hanging flyers for a show and saw this while I was doing it. Anyone saying the left is exaggerating or these monsters don't feel emboldened is a liar. #Indianapolis

Sure, RFK Jr. got confirmed, but I hear his brain worm is a Russian asset.

Thanks to Adderall, the efficiency of my doom scrolling is up 27%!

But I deserve to be penalized by my bank for not having a minimum amount of my money in it. I think I read that in the bible.

I want to open a Kurt Vonnegut themed breakfast restaurant called Vonnegrits.

Pretty wild how Punxsutawney Phil threw that "Roman salute" up three times like that.

Smaug never threw up a "Roman Salute." Dragons are better than billionaires.

Rolos are just boneless twix.

Elon Musk's salute has all the subtlety of a sixth grader saying it just says "Pen15."

Comedy Festival submission fees are the equivalent of tossing a coin in a wishing well. And dang, am I making some wishes this year.

Why are Pringles the only snack we fist?

Warnings is a weird way to say she listened when he spoke.

All I want for Christmas is a gelatinous cube. #dnd #dnd5e @dndbeyond.com

GOP going to become On Golden Pond.

So excited to do this show in #Louisville at @planetofthetapes.bsky.social in January! Inspired by The Dirty Dozen and Suicide Squad for sure. I can't wait! #dnd #livednd

My character likes to use telepathy to try and convince people it's their deity of choice telling them to abandon their life of crime.

Heck yeah, my table is gonna be so happy!

Fun show tonight in #Pittsburgh where I get to DM for some comics and we try to convince ourselves #dnd isn't just improv for introverts.

Being poly is like a timeshare for streaming services.

#DnD is dumb and trusting a nerd to do spinning attacks is dumb. However, both of those things are incredibly fun.