Cynda

even the minoxidil packaging telling me iwnbaw

at work with that Game Capture HD facial swelling hopefully nobody notices

i got a new wallet recently but kept all the stuff i didnt need in my old wallet in case i needed it... today i accidentally took the old wallet when picking up my hrt prescription and had to do the drive home and come back of shame as my expired card declined and i realized i had the old one...

owwwwww

ngl i put it on my wiimote for southbound but we all ended up just using player mii LOL

this mii channel kinda threatening

if u never hear from me again its because ive died from heat stroke at work due to it being 81F but i cant take the hoodie off

Electrolysis

theyre electrocuting my face tomorrow

mogi all day keeps the dysphoria away

at least online i can be treated as an equal, nobody says it but everyone that meets me irl inevitably sees me as an object of pity, something who makes you a better person by being nice to, but not someone who can ever have a normal life like you

i will never be able to happily exist in the real world, every part of my body is incorrect and/or just doesnt work, better to just live on the internet where people dont ever get to see some other person that isnt me. i wish i could upload my consciousness to my computer and leave this body behind

had electrolysis consult today, it's just a tiny little room but the lady seems nice, will be starting next week. she looked at my face and said yea you can't do laser with that color good thing you came here lol

got a bluetooth adapter for my car so i can listen to spotify instead of the radio and my quality of life has instantly increased by 200%

ok i finally found the courage to scroll far enough in my phone gallery to look at my prehrt pic and i cannot in good faith delude myself that it's doing nothing anymore, this should keep the doomer brainworms away for at least 1 week

this year i want to make a video with all of my mk memories in it, i have been around the community for so long and feel like i just want to show how special it is to me in my own way

i never really appreciated just how long it takes to grow ur hair out until now this shit takes forever

100 gecs - Dumbest girl alive {OFFICIAL VIDEO} YouTube video by 100 gecs

me not figuring myself out by 18 and causing 24yr old me unspeakable amounts of self hatred
www.youtube.com/watch?v=oXrb...

i feel like my trained voice is pretty cute now but i am wayyy too wormed to use it anywhere lol, only like 2 or 3 ppl have heard it cuz i still just want it to be perfect. im not sure how much better i can get it without using it constantly atp though so maybe i just have to deal with it soon

a cat is standing on its hind legs in front of an orange litter box . ALT: a cat is standing on its hind legs in front of an orange litter box .

march 4th

seeing photos with myself in them is also the worst too cuz that just makes me spiral for like an hour but i feel like i cant just not take them with people when they ask at these kinds of events :(

catalyst was super fun but holy shit my dysphoria is so bad now i felt like shit just physically existing around anyone and them seeing "me" just had me feeling like "im sorry you have to see this" the entire weekend i live in my own personal hell

i hope i never see u in the green ever again i hate u

i wonder what war crimes i committed in a previous life to deserve a body this fucked up bc holy shit man i wish this shit on no one

sometimes i'll casually mention a part of it to someone as part of a larger convo without going into detail and theyll just stop in their tracks and be like wtf and thats when i get reminded that most of this stuff is not normal to other people

a lot of the shit i went thru as a child is horrifying but its also so completely unrelatable to the average person that all they can really say in response is "oh that's horrible i'm so sorry :(" so i spare them the grief and myself the same conversation for the 50th time and dont tell them win/win

if boymoding on hrt stops working idk what im gonna do cuz my social anxiety is an order of magnitude worse than my social dysphoria so i might actually just end up looking like the b♂y hoodie girl irl

ngl now that i think about it i think n=m for most people probably, a and b values might be more important

how to find my n and m values

after catalyst i need to make an electrolysis consult appt ive been trolling waiting this long