CasperTheFriendlyBeagle

I haven't done any washing up since November last year. I've just been using paper plates and disposable cutlery.

Night night sweet dreamies

Self-care is learning that you don’t have to explain yourself to everyone.
Sometimes peace is found in saying nothing at all.

Those who truly care will understand and those who don’t were never listening anyway

Sometimes I think I’m reasonably intelligent, and sometimes I click the remote car door lock a second or third time for extra lockiness.

would it be too much to ask that all members of the GOP be required to wear “I’m With Stupid” t-shirts?

I don't know if a big juicy bratwurst smothered in sauerkraut and mustard would fix me or not but I'm 100% sure it wouldn't do any further damage.

... well, hang my chad.

Forget coffee! Start your day with Cat Butt

My wife and I guess what shape the chocolate is in the advent calendar, and whoever guesses correctly gets to eat it. Last year I got my mate to buy the same calendar, and he'd leak the shape to me every morning. I won 24 times. Fesshole GOLD from 3rd January 2021

Come to Fesshole Live in 2026! Tickets on sale for Manchester, Hull, Glasgow, Luton & Cambridge. Sweden Tour visits Malmö, Göteborg and Stockholm, and Anon Opin hits Glasgow. Best of Fesshole, audience confessions, secret history & more: https://sites.google.com/view/fesshole

*starts playing on phone during a show

*misses important scene

*rewinds way too far by mistake

*gets back on phone while waiting for the scene

*misses the scene again

Partial section of the face of a full-size chocolate cat being held over the face of an actual cat.

Phantom of the Opurra

Anyone else tired of being forced to find out when they did not fuck around?

Probably should've laid off those edibles before I did my own taxes.

A side note however...I'm getting back twelve and a half million dollars.

Night night, sweet dreamies

Trying to please everyone is a fast track to stress and frustration.
It’s okay to accept that you can’t make everyone happy.

Sometimes the healthiest thing you can do is step back from people-pleasing and give yourself a little peace.

I’m so tired of bad people getting away with doing bad things.

With all the stress and worries in life…

The last thing you’d think you need to worry about is a President deliberately trying to fuck up people’s lives.

Night night sweet dreamies

People won’t remember the labels you wore, the size of your home, the numbers in your account
They’ll remember how you made them feel, the love you showed and the gentleness you brought to their lives

Real wealth is written in the hearts you touched

The daily circle jerk.

Jesus. I hope he used some mouthwash after gargling balls that hard.

Cuba?! Cuba?!?!

We haven’t even finished the War on Christmas!!!

Good morning and welcome to Fish For Tea Friday

Lemonading 🍋

Choosing optimism when things don’t go to plan.
Seeing obstacles as training, setbacks as feedback, and delays as preparation.

Not every detour is a dead end, sometimes it’s just a better route.

I haven't been to the gym in months. My joints have stopped hurting and I've had so much more time to do meaningful things.

I once rejected a new hire at work because she unapologetically and proudly told me she was a Hufflepuff.

My plans for today? Same as always; drink coffee and be sexy.

🤷🏼 🇺🇸

don’t worry. you’re exactly where you should be in life. because you’ve made poor choices.

going ballistic. anyone need anything?

It's incredible how popular bacon is in America considering just how shit their bacon is.

Night night, sweet dreamies

Hard times don’t create the hero within us, they reveal the strength that was already there.

So be your own superhero tonight.
Trust that you are far stronger than you sometimes believe.

Just checking in to make sure everything is still stupid.