Evolving Arm

Eat so much white cheddar powder you shit ghosts.

If I went to a cabin and there was a single book, I would lock it in a trunk until I was ready to leave. I would not open it, I would not read a single word. Even if it was a normal book and not one bound in human skin. Not taking chances anymore, not after last time

This is the way the world ends
This is the way the world ends
This is the way the world ends
Not with a bang but with me wearing athleisure

i've been experiencing this new thing where i feel actual joy for other people's good fortune despite my own setbacks... it's beautiful and i wish more people were experiencing this

Omg! I LOVE THIS 😍

A repurposed Doc Martens box labeled 'Somewhere Safe' so I don't forget the 'safe' place I put something.

This is why I have a box labeled 'Somewhere Safe.'

Back in the 90's, I had a piece of shit car that honked every time I turned to the left. I had never seen so many confused middle fingers as I yelled, "SORRY," out of the window.

I remember stacking up my sweat stained ballcaps and carefully putting them in a "it's brilliant. There's no way I'll forget. It's perfect" spot. I can picture myself putting them there. I just can't remember where there is.

She says I have dreamy eyes, but I am simply a very sleepy boy. Like Jughead Jones.

A road sign says just speed up a bit, you got this with a giant gap in the road, split screen with a sign that says speed bump and a man laying face down in the road

mental health goals vs reality

Nothing fills me with dread as much as a surprise mandolin solo

Be careful what you wish for when you wish for Bob to catch fire and fall off a tall building and your name happens to be Bob.

I am not messy, what you see here is a series of meticulously planned obstacles for my friends and family to overcome for their own betterment

You're not the black hole I'm looking for.

I’m going to go as a slutty speaker of the house

Don't let death kill your dreams. Lenin died at 53, but his corpse will celebrate a centenary of stardom in January.

Stretch, thwack, spin, ting, ting
Bounce, flash, ring, ring, thud, bounce, roll
Swish, swish. Sad roll. Plop.

- Pinball haiku

When a guy texts WYD after midnight:

Saying AI is gaslighting us is like saying the sun is hot. It doesn't come in any other flavours.

Jesus loves you, but only because his dad said he has to.

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We've reached the golden age of making high-level heliophysicists go live on YouTube to explain that the sun is a star.

*Takes off one mask to reveal another mask takes off that mask to reveal another mask takes off that mask to reveal another mask takes off that mask to reveal another mask

*Repeat forever

I'm sorry but I don't trust the opinion of someone who divorced Gavin Rossdale and eventually married someone named Blake Shelton. That shit is bananas.