Bob Ingersoll

During the silent movie era, was it illegal to mime fire in a crowded theater?

Charlie went to to Banff National Park so he could look over Lake Louise again and again. It gave him a calming sense of déjà view.

Kristen didn’t like the lawn in her new house in Yorkshire, so she told her gardener to replace the grass with ivy. He told her to sod off.

Those commercials for all the companies that want to buy my house for a, “full fair cash offer,” are on constantly and every time I see one, I feel sick. I think it’s ad nauseum.

The soup chefs got married and could consommé-te their relationship.

After the horse won the Triple Crown he was put out to pasture. That’s when he was really in his hay day.

The restaurant famous for its mutton chops also killed its own sheep. It had a doctor on staff to carry out the ewe-thanasia.

Ettore fell into a big pot of pasta that was so full he had to elbow macaroni.

A Mongol chieftain was interested in the mother of his twelve-year-old daughter’s best friend, so he had his daughter break the ice for him. She was his Gobi tween.

Professor Henry Higgins was so obsessed with teaching proper speech, he even gave lessons to an accent rug.

Locating that lost football player was a pro found experience.

DEI isn’t quite dead. A large pharmaceuticals company just brought in a pot head as a tokin’ hire.

Were the ancient monks who transcribed the Book of Revelation doom scrolling?

The Monkees wanted to learn how to Twist, but the only one could master it was Peter Torque.

William went to Hooton in Cheshire where he bought a van and started a moving company called the Hooton Hauler.

After the International Olympic Committee didn’t give Trump a gold medal, the International House of Pancakes announced it will give him a short stack made with Gold Medal Flour.

Jack refused to get involved in the conspiracy theories about the Titanic. He didn’t want to do whatever didn’t float his boat.

Sir Gerald looked back on his days as the club’s champion card player rather Whist-fully.

The cypher was a simple substitution code and easy to break once you knew it was Rudi meant Teri.

After the congressman took a bribe, the newspaper wrote a story about what he did. Then the lawyers had to argue about whether he could be prosecuted on an exposed facto violation.

Phil was competing in the European Poker Tour, but he wasn’t very good at it. After all, he was in EPT.

My dietitian told me I should take a more holistic approach to my diet, so I switched from Melba toast to donuts.

On backwards day, the Army ordnance officer and his wife kissed under the TOW missle.

Ernest failed to get a picture of a big cat on his trip through the African savanna. He was so near and yet safari.

When it comes to identical twins, all men are created sequel.

If we didn’t already have supersonic jets, someone would have to Mach one.

The bounty hunter stressed out over what kind of bubble tea to order. So now he was boba fret.

I had to fast all day but could drink all the Pepsi I wanted before my cola-oscopy.

In his younger days, Flik was in a rock band. Once the drummer said he needed his drums set up and Flik said, “Go tell ant roadie.”

Luke Skywalker was a lousy golfer. He always warn people about his errant shots. The fores was strong in him.