VOIDFILL🕳️

I'm sort of like if a guy's guy and a girl's girl had a baby

Pro tip for the fellas: women are basically therapists you don’t have to pay

This is insane

Im so good at being a team player I make all the other team players look like garbage

There is no shame in dying for nothing. That’s how most people do it

A hundred years from now there won’t be one sad fuck to look at any of this

You’re in her DMs. I’m in her works cited. We are not the same

Universally loathed guy: I'm a bit of a niche internet micro celebrity

Maggie Rogers - Alaska

Let’s just admit it, I’m intimidated by your caustic wry wit and you’re intimidated by my mysterious and oily charisma

Kanye pulling up to dinner

Hey girl, that sounds real quaint and all but I’m going to be honest. Your life sounds excruciatingly monotonous, insipid, and dull. Love you 💝 Talk soon!

Being single is so funny... lol nobody wants you 😂🫵

Hey bro just wanted to say that even though I’m smarter than you, more stylish than you, funnier than you, more attractive than you, more charming than you, just holistically a more interesting and better person, we’re still buds. Like, all that doesn’t even matter. You my dawg

I feel good, sometimes I don’t

The second they release a robot that does housework I’m going to emotionally abuse it

And me tbh

That uncool thing you saw me doing, I was doing it knowingly actually

Finally some good news

i think that drake should be executed live on national television

[pointing at a woman’s vagina] make it make sense

made a salad 🥗

so is twitter dead? or are we all gonna be back in a matter of days?