Graham Bretman

Woke up this morning to find a long legged wading bird left on my doorstep

I don't know who's Storking me.

a v for vendetta mask with the words " its time " written below it ALT: a v for vendetta mask with the words " its time " written below it

V For Vitamin

#ASongOrMovieForNutrition

Oh what a tangled web we weave at our Tangled Web Workshop, only £100 per session!

And loads of pet names too? Had a Cornish Rex called Squidgy Toffee McMuffin, shortened to Muffin and called Muffs,Muffy Muffs or Muff depending on the circumstances.

Apparently The Very Hungry Caterpillar is getting a reboot-boot-boot-boot-boot-boot-boot-boot-boot-boot-boot-boot-boot-boot-boot-boot

Naming can be difficult. Though sometimes a name will just pop into my head and seems to fit

Last night I went out to the pub with my half sister

We've got the same Mum and Dad, she just doesn't drink pints.

#LunchPun #Humoursky

#UxbridgeEnglishDictionary

Latex-My former partner is deceased

#UxbridgeEnglishDictionary

Heathrow-How a baggage handler deals with luggage

Went to a funfair where Beyonce was running the Hoopla stall, I complained when I didn't win

She said "If you liked it you should've put a ring on it"

It's all very well having International Women's Day, but what about National, don't UK Women get a look in 😉

#UxbridgeEnglishDictionary

Pizzeria-Fat arse caused by eating takeaways

a woman in a pink sweater and white pants is walking down a sidewalk . ALT: a woman in a pink sweater and white pants is walking down a sidewalk .

Look Who's Walking

#ASongOrMovieForDaytimeActivity

#UxbridgeEnglishDictionary

Lip Service-Visit to a Gynecologist

Though not a comedian I get similar. A work colleague knows I write jokes (well I try) so tells me these really lame jokes I know he's seen someone else do.

I was picked out of the audience by Comedian Linda Smith to move a rug she kept tripping over on the stage.

See also

Diction - female celibacy

#UxbridgeEnglishDictionary

Have you had Rhys James chatting you up? Fairly certain that's his jokes from Mock The Week

Went on a 'Bullying in the workplace' course, I didn't really want to

But my Boss said he'd give me a wedgie and flush my head down the toilet if I didn't.

#LunchPun #Humoursky

#ASongOrMovieForWhatsGrammar

Full Stop! Or My Mom Will Shoot

Same here, though maybe not matured.

#UxbridgeEnglishDictionary

Predict-Before having sex

Morning Mo, thanks for the repost.

I accidentally glued myself to my autobiography…

Anyway, that’s my story and I’m sticking to it.

#UxbridgeEnglishDictionary

Hyperbole- Unusually overactive dish

Sven Will I Be Famous

#ASongOrMovieForNamesOfPersons

We had nothing in for a cuppa, so my Dyslexic flatmate nipped to the shop

And came back with some Milf.

My mate set me up with a Blind Date, it didn't go well

But at least her Guide dog liked me.

#LunchPun #Humoursky

I can sympathise with that.

Like Temu Trump's 'Party' didn't send out dodgy letters or possibly break electoral law during the campaign in Clacton.