Ryan Swartz

Can’t wait for Superman to come out so conservatives can bitch about how it’s woke because Lois Lane is a woman or some shit.

If you played all the slow-mo footage at regular speed, this movie would be like 45 minutes long.

Richard Roxburgh was fucking EVERYwhere for a few years there.

Rade Šerbedžija was fucking EVERYwhere for a few years there.

The bad guy in this movie is named Dean Ambrose?

How will Tom Cruise tame the firebrand that is Thandiwe Newton? (probably Scientology)

Shaggy Tom Cruise throwing his exploding sunglasses away while Limp Bizkit plays the Mission: Impossible theme is the most 2000s thing ever.

Welp, off to bed, join me tomorrow for Mission: Impossible 2, where I spend two hours just bitching about Limp Bizkit.

I think Mission: Impossible was the last Tom Cruise movie where Tom Cruise had parents.

Tom Cruise is three years older today than Jon Voight was in the first movie.

To be clear, this movie is great and I am not shitting on it. It’s just… look, 1996 was a weird time.

UPDATE: After blowing up the fish tank, Tom Cruise tries to find an arms dealer named Max by searching Usenet for Max.com

UPDATE: After his whole team is killed, Tom Cruise calls in to IMF home base from a pay phone.

UPDATE: This is followed by Tom Cruise in disguise on The McLaughlin Group.

The Mission: Impossible franchise has been around for so long, the first movie opens with Jon Voight smoking a cigarette on an airplane.

“You are on the fastest route despite heavier than usual traffic” is the new “We are experiencing higher than normal call volume” is the new “Please listen carefully as our menu options have changed.”

I’d buy 100 issues of that. JUST SAYING, @dccomicsreal.bsky.social

I’ve only seen the trailer but I’ve already decided that Nicholas Hoult is the best Lex Luthor ever, and you can’t change my mind on that, and if you try to I will fucking fight you. I’ll lose the fight, sure, but I’ll at least fight.

That sentence just got weirder and weirder as it went on.

Sound quality of Gaga’s new album on Spotify is horrendous, and I dunno if it’s a problem with my headphones, an issue with Spotify itself, or if this is a St. Anger-type thing.

“Beat Bobby Flay” would be a much better show if these people had to actually throw hands with Bobby Flay at the end of each episode.

WELL NOW HE’S NOT GONNA.

If somebody can explain to me how Cyndi Lauper is not yet in the WWE Hall of Fame, I’d love to hear the excuse.

To their credit, I bet part of it is that a lot of people assume she already is.

Hell yeah I love Resident Evil 2.

LET CYNTHIA AND ARIANNA SING BOND SONGS TOO

I want to think Michelle Trachtenberg went to heaven and DID in fact tell jesus that the bitch is back.

I love Sabrina Carpenter. I do not love her saying she wasn’t born when SNL debuted AND NEITHER WERE HER PARENTS.

I mean, politics aside, it’s an objectively bad song.

Yeah, I get it, I don’t really wanna be here either.

At the end of this year John’s gonna look at the camera, and say “YOU were my 17th championship!”