You are in a dusty sub-basement.
You fail a save vs Impulse Purchases! Gain 1 BLADVERK (unassembled). Your trolley is now Overloaded.
12.03.2026 22:45
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You are in a dusty sub-basement.
You fail a save vs Impulse Purchases! Gain 1 BLADVERK (unassembled). Your trolley is now Overloaded.
>NEW GAME
Warehouse of the Undead Beds
You are a level 1 Customer. You have 8HP. You are in the car park.
You are at the Returns & Exchanges counter.
Exits are EAST, FOOD MARKET, and CHECK-OUTS.
There is an OSTKAKA here.
>EXAMINE OSTKAKA
It is unaware of your presence. It looks curious. It has 34 HP remaining.
>Cast Summon Hex Wrench Golem.
The spell fails! A huge pile of hex wrenches appears and falls to the floor
There is a COCOS here.
>EXAMINE COCOS
It's rummaging in the undergrowth. It is attempting to eat a lampshade. It has 93 HP remaining.
You swing at the NÄSSJÖ with your spanner. It takes 7 splinter damage.
The LJUSÖGA performs an attack! You are struck! Ouch!
You are in a dusty store-room.
You eat some lingonberry jam and regain 2 HP. You feel hungry.
>INVENTORY
You are carrying:
hammer
small pencil
CHARACTER SHEET
Class: Millennial
Level: 1
HP: 37
Special Ability: Advantage on Browse checks
>INVENTORY
You are carrying:
hammer (allows you to cast Sense LILLJORM ) (4)
MDF boot (5)
CHARACTER SHEET
Class: Focussed Shopper
Level: 6
HP: 67
Special Ability: Always has the right size hex wrench
>INVENTORY
You are carrying:
small pencil
beech gauntlet
You swing at the ELSEBET with your spanner. You thwack the ELSEBET. Wood shavings fly off!
STATUS EFFECT: Overloaded
Your trolley or bag is unwieldy. -1 speed. -2 on all trolley handling checks. Cannot voluntarily collect any more items.
There is a ÖRSTED here.
>EXAMINE ÖRSTED
It sees you and charges - roll for initiative! It is unaware of your presence. It has 91 HP remaining.
>NEW GAME
Revenge of the Empress of Cookware
You are a level 1 Staff. You have 9HP. You are in the car park.
You are outside Småland.
There is a ÖRTOFTA here. It is attempting to eat a pillow.
In the Self-Serve Furniture Area, you find a cursed trolley (+3 rotational damage).
You swing at the NINNI with your flathead screwdriver. The NINNI takes 8 damage and is partially disassembled!
You swing at the NEJKON with your measuring tape. It takes 5 splinter damage.
There is a GRÄNSLÖS here.
>EXAMINE GRÄNSLÖS
It sees you and charges - roll for initiative! It is made of MDF. It has 29 HP remaining.
You swing at the FILÉ with your small pencil. It takes 7 paper damage.
You are in the Bathroom department.
>LOOK
You see an an unassembled DAGLIG.
You are at the Returns & Exchanges counter.
>LOOK
You see a saucepan.
CAMPAIGN
Title: Hoard of the Empress of Cookware
Suggested level: 7
Suggested classes: Millennial, Customer
>Cast Magnusson's Phantom Salmon Fillet.
A salmon fillet appears, but it smells past its sell-by date.
There is a GULSPORRE here.
>EXAMINE GULSPORRE
It is attempting to eat an instruction booklet. It is feeding on some lingonberry jam. It has 68 HP remaining.
You are in a dusty store-room.
You fail a save vs Impulse Purchases! Gain 1 BÄSTIS (unassembled). Your trolley is now Overloaded.