Lauren 👩🏻‍🦰

Top 3 things I hated when I was a kid, then ended up absolutely loving as an adult:

• Cabbage
• An early night
• Not being invited to parties

I want wall to wall Wichell outside a police station now.

Morgan Freeman as Kindly Old Criminal in He Cant Have put The Poster Back Over the Hole It’s Impossible

“I remember the first time I saw Andy…”

Do we get a bank holiday when the banter is just too overwhelming?

Andrew uses his one phone call to call Babestation.

Like a dog being startled by its own flatulence, Monday seems to have taken the internet entirely by surprise again.

IF I didn't know what an egg was and someone told me it comes out of a chicken's arse and it's in a shell with a liquid inside containing a clear bit and a yellow bit, but when you cook it it goes hard and you can eat it, and then they asked me to try it, I think I'd tell them to fuck right off. Gav H, Hebden Bridge

subscriptions >>> shop.viz.co.uk/viz353bs

Right, hear me out. "The Sign" by Ace of Base but every time she sings "I saw the sign", its "I saw a bum" instead.

I'm looking for £25,000 investment for 3% of the company.

One thing I do miss about childhood is knowing exactly where every bruise came from.

Mid January is always pretty bleak so god bless Brooklyn Beckham for throwing us a bone

Meta trying to understand British humour will never not be funny.

You Can Leave Your Hat On is my favourite song telling someone you’d love to have sex with them, but their hair looks shit

That horrifying moment when you ask someone how they are and they actually start to tell you.

explain to my cat that it is not time for him to eat and i'm tired

Absolutely gutted. Loved watching him. Rest In Peace, Adam.
(With a piping hot caffeinated beverage)

The end of A Christmas Carol is clear that Scrooge became famous for his generosity and love of Christmas. And yet his name is still shorthand for miserliness. So really that whole story is proof that you can change all you want but people will still remember you at your worst

Did you know it's wonderful to have a little cat

I CAN'T HELP FALLING IN LOVE WITH YOU ❤️‍🔥

Whenever I make a bad decision, I sit myself down in front of the mirror, and tell myself “at least you've always hated David Walliams” x

Something my mum would do. I went to hers for Xmas one year and there was a cauliflower sat by the patio doors in the living room. She said it was “keeping cool”.

I’ve been to Vienna. It was most good.

I shan't be venturing any opinions on the Budget until it has been explained by Peter Snow via the medium of virtual model village.

To avoid disappointment, expect nothing from nobody.

i'm too young for back pain and memory loss

What. A. Game. 🤯

I don’t even spiral anymore. I just gently rotate like a flavorful rotisserie chicken

Jinx the bobtail tabby cat ignoring momma by looking off in the distance as she tries to take her photo.

Cats can hear 4-5 times further than humans can.
Which makes it all the more impressive when they choose to ignore you

Me watching people call me

Pitch dark outside. Nobody shall see me again until March.