Rebekah Sicari

They should make me the CEO. First order of business is you need to pass a "humor" test in order to get verified

“We can never make the word socialism or communism ok to Americans”

Convenient lie to avoid calling yourself one. It is normalized more every day. Nearly all polls show a positive trend. Wearing the label proudly and openly will only make it go faster !

0.000% of Communism has been built. Evil child-murdering billionaires still rule the world with a shit-eating grin. All he has managed to do is make himself *sad*. He is starting to suspect Kras Mazov *fucked him over* personally with his socio-economic theory.

Lol

Banana Boat lip Balm you have Betrayed me

The sudden increase in hinge likes I am receiving is insane. You people should be ashamed

Façade

I don't need ChatGPT, I can just type any prompts to these two and I can rely on them to kick me out regardless

It's kinda diabolical that fallout 2 has some of the best voice acting of all time but only like five characters actually speak lmao

I think a lot of society's ills would be solved if we resurrected yahoo!answers

Oprah Pursues Dr. Phil On Ship Through Arctic THE ARCTIC CIRCLE—With a vow to destroy the abomination she had created if it was the last thing she ever did, television host Oprah Winfrey has spent weeks on a ship pursuing Dr. Phil through the Arc...

“I brought this horrid creature into the world, and now I must take him out!” Winfrey said

If you're gonna loudly fight on the phone in a cafe you could at least key everyone else in on the drama

I hate feeling left out

I don't know if this counts as body dysmorphia, but I always think I am taller/larger/more physically imposing than I really am

Yet another monday morning I'm sitting in my car before work thinking about the council of Trent

Claim: Mamdani is a communist. False: Any real communist will happily spend six hours explaining why this isn’t true.

Fact-Checking Claims About Zohran Mamdani https://theonion.com/fact-checking-claims-about-zohran-mamdani/

Just asked someone what the name "william" is short for so I think I'm due for a stroke any minute

Stop trying to make healthy junk food

I want fat and sugar and carbs take your stupid protein cakes and get out of my face

Sometimes when I need to feel something I copy paste the entire dinner table scene from hereditary and send it to people I don't talk to anymore

The minute T***** S**** announced that engagement I got the worst migraine headache I've had in years.

My brain was trying to warn me

PALEDRIVER - “They are someone's memories. What difference does it make if it's me or not? They're beautiful. That is all that matters. Beautiful and true -- and they will win. They're *coming* for this, you know… All of this.”

this is part of why AI stuff is getting put into everything by force btw

I love when you try to see what the online fandom of a show/book/game/etc you like thinks and they're all obsessively drawing fanart of a side character who barely has three lines of dialogue

Was gonna jokingly say make a line where everything just has Bruce on it, but I actually would love a Bruce shot glass

As someone whose current work-in-progress is a speculative novel about memory, this was both a great read and made me a little anxious, haha

I gotta say I find a lot of AI discourse around higher ed very confusing. "if ChatGPT can write your essays is college even worth it?" did people think math teachers were assigning problem sets because *they* couldn't figure out the answers?

no they haven't

KIM KITSURAGI - “You need to get your shit together.”

YOU - “But I don't wanna get my shit together!”

KIM KITSURAGI - “Then the world will turn away from you, and leave you behind.”

Yeah go ahead show everyone how freakishly high my resting heart rate is, I had no dignity left

Orange theory displaying your heart rate on its board is akin to the pillories of old

Ow

Ow theonion.com/ow/

Don't talk to me about films until you've seen the big five