why do i even say anything, nobody gives a fuck

I am drowning in medical appts and in constant pain. My mental health is perpetually fucked. Disability doesn't pay enough to really even get by. The world around me is fucked and I have no one. I can't fucking deal with this constant shit show of a life.

What the fuck am I supposed to do?! My mom can't afford to help me and I have nobody else in my life. The house shifts so much from the foundation there's cracks in the ceilings, walls and floors, one ceiling has caved in and nails are falling out of the ceiling in all rooms.

I've know the foundation was fucked for years but I don't have in the 5 digits to drop to fix it let alone fix the fucked wiring, plumbing, termite damage, missing walls, broken a/c and heating, etc.. I can mentally, physically and financially barely take care of myself atm...

My house is literally fucking falling apart... What the fuck am I supposed to do? I don't have money for this and insurance is not gonna pay for this. My foundation is absolutely fucked to hell. The ceiling caved in in the other bedroom and this time its from the house shifting.

i cant be saved.
im nothing more than a residual ghost. an amalgamation of memories that cant move on. i just spend every day obsessing over the friends i lost over a decade ago, the family i lost over two decades ago and how its all my fault.

bbno$ - why am i like this (official music video) YouTube video by bbno$

youtu.be/x9VLSIwoTJk?...

almost every time i find myself typing a reply on social media now i just delete it before i even finish typing it. i quickly realize its not worth the effort to try to interact with anyone...

if for some reason any of you decides you wanna say something to me youll probably have to just dm me because idk if i have it in me to do this social media shit or anything anymore. i feel numb to most of my timeline and trends make me want to actually end it all.

fuck it, i'll say it... i dont think any of you give 2 shits about me and that's fine. honestly i don't know why anyone ever would. i constantly battle with myself as to what i should do and the urge to delete all online accounts and just let the madness take me is always there

i am a very weak and flawed person. I make a lot of mistakes and bad choices that go against what i stand for. for what its worth, even if thats nothing, i wasnt lying when i said i cared.

there really is no place for the gentle or the kind hearted in this world. everywhere i go everyone is just so callous to people for no reason and everyone just accepts it as normal and okay and even joins in on it just because someone they like was doing it.

im finding it increasingly hard to relate to anyone or interact with them and i was never good at it in the first place. i just constantly feel on edge, alien or out of place, and very easily emotionally triggered into anger, frustration, depression or melancholy.

you look incredible

I'm by no means any patriot, but I'm so sick of the absolute worst people trying to take ownership of patriotism. You can love the country but hate the state that it's in. You wouldn't dedicate so much of yourself and endure hardship trying to fix something if you hated it.

often times when we vent it's because deep down part of us wants someone to acknowledge and validate our feelings, not make us feel wrong, pathetic or shameful for them.

please for the love of god stop invalidating people's negative feelings. it's nice of you to want to help but being overly positive and dismissive of the negative thoughts and feelings people have doesn't help them to overcome them it just makes them feel worse about them.

Ren - Hi Ren (Official Music Video) YouTube video by Ren

This song has been my obsession lately because it's too relatable...
youtu.be/s_nc1IVoMxc?...

happy birthday

My understanding is Bella is the CEO and founder but is she also the owner? Or is there like a corporate board or some kind of shareholders that can push her out before she finishes destroying the platform completely? She obviously needs some kind of help but people's livelihoods can't wait.

how the heck are they so perfect

ive battled it for as long as i can remember, even as a very small child. its been so long that its how i identify myself. i am my depression. its not a part of me, it is me.

believe it or not, i dont go into every situation intending to be a miserable dick. i dont actually enjoy making people miserable. im just really bad at pretending. depression has always been my base state so its hard for me to be anything else.

Happy Birthday

anyone else still get anxiety while reliving past events in your mind? like i already went thru that and its not something that will ever happen again so why do i still tense up and get anxious when i think about it?

I don't really have anyone or anything in my life. I don't need people who are going to come in just to pretend to wanna change that. I'm pretty open about who I am and I warn everyone who claims to want to get to know me.

I just... I'm so tired of people who pop up in my life online, say they care, that they wanna get to know me or be my friend, etc. only to quickly start treating me differently, completely ghosting me or in a few cases outright attacking me.

my future is about as bright as a goth teenagers bedroom

Exactly. It should bounce back at them, not people around them who weren't part of it.

I know the original post is a joke but to answer your question, they are just innocent kids. Vance's kids didn't do anything wrong or choose to have a dickhead bigot for a father. Nobody should target innocent kids to get at their parents and it doesn't help the kids already targeted by ICE.