My American brain every Christmas: “Mary, did you know that you can customize and save with Liberty Mutual?”
16.12.2025 12:42
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My American brain every Christmas: “Mary, did you know that you can customize and save with Liberty Mutual?”
Me at rehearsal for a musical: “Ooh! That’s an interesting chord.”
Director: “Yeah, that chord is Bi-tonal.”
Me: “Ha! So is my Ex!”
On this timeline, Africans are sponsoring hungry Americans.
Okay, kitty cat, here’s my proposition: You stop crying after sunset, and in exchange, you stop waking me up in the middle of the night. Deal?
TIL that Mark Wahlberg and Matt Damon are not the same person
I just made myself a mocktail. It’s called Lemonade
I'm attending No Kings's event, “NO KINGS Erie, PA” - sign up now to join me! www.mobilize.us/nokings/even...
Why doesn’t Trump just dissolve Congress? He doesn’t need them anyway.
At the baseball game, the stadium started to play a song by Queen, and my friend said, “This song is about women who ride motorcycles. 🎶 Flat-Bottomed Girls you make the rockin’ world go round🎵”. And I said, “Don’t you mean Fat-Bottomed Girls?” And she had to Google it! 😆😂🤣
Good morning. Men should be assigned a therapist as soon they turn 18
Okay, lesson learned. Don’t let babe try and order the pizza while he’s high.
‘The House Will Take A Short Recess,’ Declares Mike Johnson Dousing Capitol In Gasoline
Trump post: stop talking about Epstein!
This is definitely the best way to get people to stop talking about Epstein
I wonder if Liver King has a tan line under his beard.
Everyone’s sixth sense should be feeling your arteries clogging.
Being queer is so exhausting! I’ve been celebrating Pride all month! I can’t wait til July! The straights don’t know how easy they got it!
You can find a lot of helpful stuff on the internet.
But “Living Your Best Life Carb-Free” is not on there.
Good Lord! Even ChatGPT sounds more human than you!
Saw somebody’s upsetting Facebook comments. Now, I see them as the Grinch of Juneteenth.
Yeah, I’m chronically online, but I’d much rather be chronically ___________
Me: “What’s the key to staying together?”
Married Couple: “Separation.” “Opposite work shifts.”
Nashville Airport PSA: “May I have your attention, please! There is a song in your heart, but you can’t play it because you’ve left your guitar. Please come to lost & found to pick it up!”
Went shopping at Boot Barn for the first time. I had no idea it was this expensive to be heterosexual!
Just discovered that Sherlock Holmes father was a narcissist, so he always had to be observant to see what the mood of his father was. And that’s how he became a keen ovservationalist.
The greta video
All we want is healthcare.
I would like to request Bluesky Poke feature.
*Makes Cold Brew at Home*
*Heats up Cold Brew*
“Aaaah! ☕️😊 Hot Cold Brew”
Me: “Can you do me a favor?”
Jer: “What?”
Me: “Can you take your pills?”
Jer: “lol What? You don’t want to drive them over to me when I forget?”
Me: “I’ll judge you if you’re not judging me right now.”
Jerry: “Oh, I’m not judging you.”
Me: “Then I’m judging you.”
Jerry: “This sounds like too much work. I’m going to bed.”
