Bespoke Swears

I'm listening to the Truth Shall Make Ye Fret podcast, as I randomly re-read Terry Pratchett's Discworld novels for the millionth time. I picked up Mort this week. The podcast on Mort was recorded in early March 2020 - it's like the worst kind of time travel...

Nope, this just came up on my Facebook page. I don't even live in the area.

Screenshot of Facebook post by ex-National MP, current mayor of Nelson, Nick Smith: I congratulate my former Deputy Mayor, Rohan O'Neill-Stevens, on his selection as the Greens candidate in Nelson for this year's General Election and wish him the very best for a strong ranking on the Greens party list. Rohan was an outstanding Deputy Mayor for our city, bringing a sharp mind, generous spirit and the voice of a new generation to Council. We often disagreed but we were also able to find common ground and make positive progress on so many issues. I have worked closely with many Green MPs from the party's founders Jeanette Fitzsimons and Rod Donald 30 years ago as an MP on Select Committees, twice as Minister for the Environment and Conservation and more recently as Mayor. Rohan would match up with the best. He has a maturity way beyond his years and gets the responsibilities that go with governance. He is resolute in his views but, unlike too many in the Greens, appreciates other perspectives and can find compromise. These are essential skills the Greens need in an MMP Parliament. Nelson, the Green Party and NZ will be better if Rohan is in our next Parliament and I wish him the very best for November 7th. nzpol

Hilarious - ex-National MP Nick Smith is telling people in Nelson to vote for the Greens candidate in this year's election.

Even the fucking Nats think we should vote for the Green Party, lols.

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Absolutely gutted that AWWA is closing (sorry, 'taking a pause'), just 13 months after the company was bought out by a Canadian firm. The only tiny silver lining is that you can nab their great period undies for 50% off, until 15 March.

awwaperiodcare.com

Three small silver rings with round, textured silver embellishments, on a black woven surface.

Yesterday I went to a jewellery workshop and made three pretty rings. And later, at home in the garden, I saw two kōtuku ngutupapa (royal spoonbill) fly over our house.

Happy day! 😁

And in someone else's work space! Like, I can imagine him doing this in his own office - but someone else's space is just a whole 'nother level of ick.

Just when I think I can't despise him anymore. That is disgusting.

Screenshot of an email: Hi Team The wine I ordered was delivered this morning. Thanks for the great service. Cheers, [customer name redacted].

We have an occasional customer who orders online and emails to say thanks when it arrives. It's DELIGHTFUL. (But I'm also quietly pleased that not everyone does this, as it would destroy my inbox.)

Woolworths NZ shares half-year results - FMCG Business A disciplined focus on reducing costs and driving operational efficiency has led to 2.8% sales growth and a 22.4% increase in Earnings Before Interest and Tax.

Unemployment is high, wages are stagnant & the cost of living is out of control - and Woolworths NZ reports a huge half-year profit. Not because they charge Kiwis outrageous prices for food, you understand, but because of "a disciplined focus on reducing costs and driving operational efficiency". 😡

Bea, a 2-year-old black lab cross, deeply asleep. Mostly in a dog bed - except for her head, which is lolling out onto the floor, upside down. Demonstrating the peaceful sleep of the doggedly untroubled.

My dog sleeps like a world-weary teenager, crashed out after a hard day of growing. At two o'clock in the afternoon (the lucky bastard). 🇳🇿🐶

He finally makes a definitive statement on something, anything - after two years of saying he isn't aware or hasn't been informed - and he FUCKS IT UP. Dear god, he's an incompetent man.

March 2026 - NZTA announces a review and consultation on the speed limits on roads around the Horowhenua. Looks like they want to reduce the speed limit on roads that had the speed limits increased in July 2025. Fucksake. (4a/4)

a close up of a woman 's face looking at another woman . Alt: Leslie Knope, from Parks and Rec, making an 'infuriated' face. Trying to push all the rage down into her soul (and failing.)

I know there's big shit happening worldwide, but.. I got a call from our local business network today, asking me - a woman in business - to provide free labour and free product to celebrate international women's day.

The perfect word to get in one!

Screenshot of a pop up advertisement for a book titled ‘Waitaki Point: The Paradox of Truth’, by Trevor Watkin. With the world’s most hilarious tagline: ‘Finally a novel for men’ 🤣

I am utterly intrigued by this book being advertised on stuff.co.nz

“Finally a novel for men”!

All novels previously published were clearly too girly for Mr Watkin.

I said the same to my partner this morning!

Screenshot from Stuff. In the NZ parliament, National MP Rima Nakhle: "told the opposition to calm down the “theatrics”. “It’s OK. We’re only making English official, it’s not the end of the world.”

The audacity of a Nat MP telling the opposition to stop the 'theatrics' while Major Diva Winston Peters is RIGHT THERE bringing the drama as per.

The person running this zoom meeting just said "can you raise your hand if you can't hear me..." 🤔

Screenshot of an advert for "New Genuine Japanese Parts". My brain: tick, tick, tick... Oooooh you mean CAR parts. Righto, sorry, carry on.

Briefly confused by what sort of 'parts' were being advertised in my period tracking app...

MĀRAMA: Using daily karakia to protect the cast from tapu themes Filmed entirely in Aotearoa, the cast used daily rituals on set like karakia and cleansing as protection from tapu subjects like the historical theft of Toi moko.

Filmed entirely in Aotearoa, the cast used daily rituals on set like karakia and cleansing as protection from tapu subjects like the historical theft of Toi moko.

My partner's 104-year-old grandmother died early this morning. From a young age, she believed that greed was the problem for humanity, and she worked hard to build a better world. Unfortunately no cure or solution for greed was found in her lifetime. Go well, M.

We saw an incredible film this evening, Mārama. Described by the director as ‘Māori gothic’ - its intense, riveting and fairly gory. Loved it!

Tradies are The Worst for this.

It's a quiet day at work, so I'm training Bea to let me put a biscuit on her snout. She is... unimpressed. 🇳🇿🐶

Can someone please tell them that the voters are more scared OF climate change than we are of them campaigning on it?

Fantastic to see a BWB Text finally making the longlist - that series has been punching above its weight for years.

Tune in next week, when John expands on this with:
"She's just like the most hated woman in the UK. When she dies people will dance on her grave and future generations will celebrate the anniversary of her death."

Screenshot of headline from the Herald: Sir John Key on Judith Collins, the 'Margaret Thatcher of New Zealand'

John Key calling JuCo the "Margaret Thatcher of New Zealand" and thinking that's a compliment 😬 #nzpol

Gonna go stand outside the Nicola Willis's office with a boombox, a la John Cusack, playing Skunk Anansie's 'Yes it's fucking political'.