No I dadn't

🥰

Earth Wind & Fire: 🎵 Do you remember every cloudy day? 🎵

Me, depressed: For the fith time, yes. Please stop asking. I'm so depressed.

What the afternoon cuppa sees when it hears the kettle boiling

Today is 4 years since I've landed in Australia to start a new life with my (now) wife and (now) child.

Started thinking I was going to do a selection of photos and then realised that there's too many to choose from.

Hah

If the Straight of Hormuz is so straight, why has it got Grindr in its downloads history

Judging your tweets while I walk my baby in sunny Melbourne 😎

BREAKING: EU has made it mandatory that "euphemism" can only be used by EU-fems. Sorry guys. It's the law.

This is me but with “Stole” by Kelly Rowland

How old am I? Old enough to hear grammatical errors in Spice Girls songs

Hoo-boy. What a bad day to be addicted to doomscrolling.

"Slow and steady wins the race" unless you've got ADHD

I've only kissed it once

When you judge yourself for taking a selfie

Phew. What a day. Can't believe I need to do it all again tomorrow.

[Repeat forever]

DO DO DO DO-DO DO DO DO

If that's possible, maybe my baby is Mark Morrison..

Accidentally put on Return of the Mack - Mark Morrison and my baby started grooving along like he's heard it a million times and knows heart ache

I wonder why

I know two people in Dubai. One posted that they're safe. The other was carrying on like nothing was happening.

👀

They seem to be on a loop, just like yours 💚

Or better quality jokes

Another way the movies from the 80s and 90s lied to us 😤

No greater shame than not getting a laugh reaction in the group chat, someone else replies and that gets the laugh reactions instead.

👀

Hah. Already had it. Might have another.

What am I thinking about?

I'm worried about getting too swole.

And by that I mean so round and cuddly that people won't let the hug go.