Rose

Antipasto salad is so freaking delicious.
I’m so glad I decided one day at a bros graduation party that I was gonna like it. And for once and only time in my life, that worked.

Relatable.

It was so quiet and peaceful and then I upload it to here and its loud af. 😅

I feel a bit more awake today. I like this kind of weather. Am sitting on the front porch railing looking out on side yard and front.
It’s nice. It smells nice(not the usual stanky smell after rain sometimes, but rather light and refreshing).
I feel a bit solid too.

Also holy cheeseballs it’s so loud on here so prepare thine ears.

Lil bit of calm slight rainy day ambiance.

*Dejectedly roaming around the kitchen like a ghost, searching* ...is there nothing I can snack on?(No, not really, sadly...)
... I really am a snack person.

I told myself I'd go to bed 'early' tonight, no later than 1:30. And then I was reading fanfiction... and it is now 4am(or 3am, idk... ugh).

You know? Like, things he can't do or places he can't go; but he'll try anyway even though it has ALWAYS been useless & he doesn't like that he can't. Like part of his brain is just like 'ah but this is what we do at the time we do it & we gotta do this every day, it's Supposed To Happen.'

-But every night he does it & every night, we nudge him away from the door; he goes back to do it more times before giving up. We've never let him out at night.
Same thing with certain places he tries to get into, & he knows I'll come & get him away. Maybe he does it for all the kisses he gets. : p

It's funny how much my cat is attached to routine... like, every night after he has his snack during our meal, he'll go to the back door & scratch it & whine to go out. He's not going out. He knows we won't let him out at night. 1/

Anyway yeah the powers that be/nature knew what they were doing when they made my cat he’s the cutest fucking cat I swear to all the godssssssss. I wanna squish him and smooch him but he’s napping so I must contain myself.

*dread, but I guess dead could work too somehow.

Best thing to chase away the always-lurking existential dead for a few seconds?
Looking at my cat. Suddenly, brain, screeching: OH MY GOD HE’S SO CUTE LOOK AT THAT LITTLE MUZZLE. OH MY GODSHKFHSJCBENXIDBUDFBEHF. body: *does excited wriggle cause of cuteness aggression as I fight urge to squish him*

Still staving off that sudden existential dread that crashed my sleep that one night and then never left and keeps as background noise, but I'm doing okay I guess. Apparently my potassium levels are low.

I bookmarked a few new BG3 fanfics tonight; gonna read some of them tomorrow.
Love finding new ones, but also sad cause ofc many, they don’t have already like 40 chapters for me to eat. 😆

But yeah. I see all these diff places, & food, & I'm like. Goddamn, it's so beautiful & that looks so delicious. If only my system/body/stomach wasn't a complete butt, & I had the $$.
The world is so huge & diverse & fascinating.

Actually traveling doesn't agree with me, plus I can't really spare the $$ it'd take. I think... I somewhat live vicariously through other people occasionally watching their travel vlogs on youtube.
And then there's video games & such, of course. Beautiful environs, being able to go everywhere.

That's all 'm gonna say about it. Feels like into the void it goes, since it also feels like most of our gov't does jack shit, and I am pathetically trying to actually protect my mental health.

"Well," said Lord Farquaad, "Regretfully, some of you may die... but it's a sacrifice I am willing to make." Some of his orange foundation smeared as he pretended to wipe away a tear.

Someone please toss all these people in prison, already. If anyone should be in prison(or deported), it's them.

Existential dread
While laying here in bed
A thousand thoughts being ‘said,’
Despite my taking of the med
So here I am on old paths tread,
Wishing that my head
Would shut the f8ck up, instead.

❤️✨ another games I forgot existed but has been lifted back into my consciousness.
And I kinda feel like getting it again now, but… I can’t even keep petz. >..<
A neat thing you do, it is.

And ofc other part of brain is like, ‘you wasted hours of your irl existence reading. Now you are older. What value has this brought to the world?’ Kinda nonsense & I gotta tell it to shut tf up.
Not like there’s any irl local community hobby groups of interest round here, I think-& I can’t drive.

Fanfictions can really make me forget about my own existence sometimes.
Then I’m finished w/ the fic or just a chapter/gotta do irl stuff, & body & brain are like ‘ah yes, I exist outside of xyz, xyz is not real.’

Makes me sad. Aliens, elves, vampires… Nirn… would be neat if some of that was real.

I always forget how into DBH I was until something like this pops up. Was big into Dechart community back in the day and on twitch, read some good fanfics.
Made fanart of Connor doing ballet a couple times. Was gonna be a whole series but brain nopped out as it does.

A long furred, fluffy orange cat lays in a twisty position on a cardboard catbed staring at his ‘mother’. You can see the little toebeans on most of his feet.

A long furred, fluffy orange cat lays in a twisty position on a cardboard catbed staring at his ‘mother’. You can see the little toebeans on most of his feet. One paw is somewhat reaching out towards the photographer.

The entirety of earth cannot contain his cuteness. For it is too great.

I feel like playing Oblivion. Get in game. Jump around for twenty seconds. Get bored, leave game. Feel like playing Skyrim. Start watching Star Trek Starfleet Academy instead. Probably will play Skyrim after.

Looking at it again, maybe its' 'memory foam' not 'microfiber'.? But... that... kinda stuff. Yeah.

-it's like some weird kind of betrayal for/to my brain, or something. 'If soft to hand, why not soft to head?' version of 'if friend shaped, why not-' ish. Like the pillows feel so soft and plushy until I actually try to use them for the reason which they were made and why I bought them... sigh.

I've tried two diff types of 'microfiber' ish pillows now... and I hate both of them. >.> for my bed, anyway. They're -so soft- until I actually laid my head on them, and then it's like... a softish... -rock-. Fer fuck's sake. x.x
But they make nice pillows to sit on, I guess. But /1