Jenn

YOU CAN PRY MY EM DASH OUT OF MY COLD DEAD ASS

Listen. I am rizzin from the dead to say that if you see an em dash in a piece of writing and go off in the comments about AI showing its ass, the only ass being blasted is your ass, which is the ass of a person who doesn't understand how to write good or what the function of an em dash evEN IS OK??

The he's probably thinking about other girl meme but it's me, thinkin bout that video

If I'm ever hanging out being pretty quiet and making a really focused pondering kind of face, 95% of the time I'm thinking about Jordan Knight wearing a Bauhaus shirt in the You Got It (the Right Stuff) music video from 1988

I did actually get a hella astute follow-up comment last week tho. When I said I was an accountant, the person who asked was like "wow & look at you! smiling, relaxed and kicking back in the middle of March," and I was like "haha you did not see me crying and absolutely losing my mind last week"

"Quickles" is going to be on repeat in my head all day thank u for the treat

In Like a Lion, Out Like Who The Hell Knows In March of last year, I thought I could see the light at the end of the tunnel.

Oh yeah BTW I blogged this week and I forgot to post about it. HERE YOU GO it's about losing your self and resetting your expectations

This combined with the EKG tech who told me I'd be good at being "one of those guys that knows what criminals are thinking...like that show...mindhunter" has me like 🤔. We're flying awfully close to "she'd really clean up as a serial killer" and idk how to feel about that. Flattered? Offended?

A client last week: "I watched a bad movie and I thought of you."
Me: 🙂
Her: "It was called...The Accountant"
Me: 🙃 "oh no"
Her: "he's autistic. & he's an accountant--"
Me: "i have HEARD of this one"
Her: "& it makes him really good at killing people"
Me: 🫠
Her: "...you'd be great at killing people"

Me hanging out with my friend Sara last week, who is a professional drummer: "I think I'm the only guy in our cancer support group who just has a regular guy JOB job. Accountant."

Sara: "yeah you probably don't get a lot of follow-up questions on that one"

Me: "BUT I CAN TALK ABOUT IT FOR DAYS 🥵"

Rising from the dead to say that even when things are stressful and intense and weird, when I sit down at my desk and open a client's books, I get a lil exhilarated "heehee weeeee!" feeling which is nice because I really like my job but also i think DOES make me kind of pervert.

He is enchanted and honestly i get it

HUGE NEWS

Just picked up my vyvanse and the pharmacist (who knows me due to the sheer fuckton of medications I've picked up in the last year) handed it to me and said "have a great one, I'll see you soon at the work camp the government is sending us all to". That was funny of him. I had a little chuckle.

I've been waiting for this hammer to drop. Because of course. Of course they don't want these people doing what they were hired to do 🫠

Sept 2023: the IRS creates thousands of new positions in order to focus on compliance audits *specifically* for large corporations and high earning individuals

Feb 2025: DOGE fires thousands of IRS employees who are still "probationary" (read: purges all staff hired in the past couple years)
🤔🤔🤔

Big Rig's likes and dislikes:

Being put in clothes 👍🫡
Wet food 👍👅💦
Going outside on harness 👍
Dogs 👍😈
Butt scratches 👍
Band practice 👍🎸
Nail trims 😤😾
Shoulder rides 👍
Flirt pole 👍
Scratching 👍🛋
Biting 🤗
Space heaters 👍🔥
Regular style petting 🙅‍♀️
Being treated like a normal cat at all 🤬🔪💀
Barista 😻💑

A cat in a cute shirt

He is purring so loud...I think he genuinely loves his new shirt and I am so happy for him 💜

I'm fully planning on being buff as hell again tho. Once I get this bum hip taken care of it's over for you guys, mark my words

Anyway, crazy how many different guys a guy can be

Crazy feeling to be googling surgical options for complex labral tears & early osteoarthritis of the hip while your whole body is achey from swimming & inflamed from residual immunotherapy side effects & to have your photos app notify you that this was happening on a random february day 10 years ago

A large cat and a small dog in lavender hoodies, coordinating their fits

A pro tip for having a small dog is always buy doubles of your little hoodies, in two different sizes, just in case you get her a large cat bff down the road and they need to coordinate their fits. Doubles is safe.

My son the himbo

We did a last minute airbnb switcheroo for a valentines weekend bud getaway and somehow lucked into an insane midcentury paradise for half off? It had like 3.5 living rooms and was filled with cool shit? House so nice it had us contemplating squatters' rights...

Having an effed up hip and a nervous system that's been having trouble with too much uppy-downy stuff, swimming is truly the GOAT among exercises. And it feels like I'm just gettin in there and fuckin around which is always the stuff I like most

So of course, me the second I got out to the car: "HELLO CAN I SPEAK TO THE MANAGER"

Is this reverse Karening? Anyway, I Neraked this morning at Petsmart because the person checking me out at the register was like "hey if you do this on your phone you will get deals" and then was also all like "fuck oligarchy fuck imperialism we gotta get all the deals we can"

You guys I just discovered something that blew my very own mind. If you're out & about in the world & you have a nice interaction with a person working customer service, it's still a free enough country that you can call and ask to talk to the manager and be like "hey that person is cool as hell"

I haaaaaate that everything going on in the white house right now is only going to make taking that leap into regular health maintenance mode even more impossible feeling for even more people