🫀

for one of the first times in my life I feel like I just can’t do this. Everything is hitting all at once, my things are breaking, I’m running out of money, running out of patience. I will survive but it’s rough right now.

I swear to god if we become a heavily censored surveillance state I’m going to die fighting for freedom.

I’m putting way too much pressure on myself

…make anything really happen tonight. I was riding the high of the stream prior when a friend raided me. I just need to stop my confidence from being entirely dependent on the size of my audience. I’ll grow; I’ll get to my goal. I am committed. I am serious. I am learning and growing myself as well

Right now I’m wondering if I’m really cut out for this. I shouldn’t get so upset every time a stream doesn’t perform well. I’m not as upset as last time but I am sad this one performed markedly worse than my previous streams, and I am notably saddened. I just felt like I couldn’t…

no one’s actively ignoring me or neglecting to support me, these are all just emotion brought on by impatience and seasonal depression hitting me really really hard this year

I’ve asked for help and been ignored. I’ve shared my soul and been left unreplied. I understand, I get no support. I get no help. You don’t understand how serious I am about making this work. I have been all along. And I. Will. Make. It. Work. even if it fucking kills me.

I’m so tired of being in the background. I’m so tired of being ignored. I’m so tired of nothing working.

I will make this work. I will survive, and I will succeed. I will build my empire, and when I do, no one can tell me I didn’t do it myself. I’ve built this with my own two hands and efforts.